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In Desperate Final Bid, Kochs to Buy Uganda, Install Trump as President

Jun 162016
 
 By , June 16, 2016

‘This way, Donald Trump will have his own country to play with, and we get to pick the GOP nominee after all, just as Citizens United intended.’ – David Koch

NYC – The ubiquitously evil Koch brothers announced at a press conference today that under a new plan devised by themselves and the “Never Trump” movement, they would purchase the country of Uganda and install Donald Trump as its new president-for-life.

Donald Trump as Ugandan President

Donald Trump could out-Idi Idi Amin, say the Koch brothers. “We can buy the country for chump change, really. Hey, ‘Chump Change for Trump Change’ could be our new slogan!” said David Koch.

“Goldilocks desperately needs to be president of something,” mocked David Koch, older of the two multi-trillionaires (when computing in their Panamanian accounts).

“So, we looked around,” Charles continued, “and found that right now everyone in Uganda is totally freaking out about its foreign debt, 14 trillion shillings and growing. Sustainability, that’s all they talk about.”

“Yeah, but really,” David explained, “there’s like a million Ugandan shillings to the dollar, so the total only comes out at around $10 billion American.

“Frankly, between us and Wall Street, that’s quite doable.”

Charles continued: “Our idea is we pay off Uganda’s creditors, install The Donald as El Supremo or some other fancy title, and then it’s back to money-politics as usual in the good old US of A!”

“Exactly,” smirked David. “What we need in the Oval Office, as Karl Rove once said, is someone who’ll sign into law whatever our guys in Congress send up. We can’t rely on Donald for that, so he’s got to go.”

Charles held up several color photographs of former Ugandan dictator Idi Amin, resplendent in the blues and golds of Supreme Army Commander. “They say the President’s Palace in Kampala has dozens of these and other uniforms completely untouched and brand new. Donald will look grand in them and can play the part of Great White Chief to his heart’s content!”

The two brothers laughed and shook hands.

“Scott Walker for President!” they shouted, high-fiving each other.

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Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it.

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