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Listen in: The Donald Woos VP Choices Just Prior to Announcing!

Jul 152016
Listen in: The Donald Woos VP Choices Just Prior to Announcing!

The Donald plays ‘Who Wants to be a Vice Presidential Candidate?’

By Janet Golden and Roz Warren

Donald: Carly? It’s The Donald. I’m sounding out possible running mates. If I asked you to run with me, would you say yes?
Carly Fiorina: Grateful for the offer, Donald, but no can do. I’ve got blood coming out of my whatever.

Donald: Governor Kasich? It’s The Donald. Do you have a minute?
Kasich: Wish I had time to chat with you, Donald, but the Watchtower folks are at the door and I don’t want to keep them waiting.

Donald: Hey Condie! Want to be my running mate?
Condoleezza Rice: I’d rather be crushed to death by a falling piano.

Donald: Jeff? Would you be interested in serving as my Vice President?
Jeff Sessions: I’d love to, Donald, but I’ve got an elderly cat and he hates the cat carrier. I just can’t see making him endure a long flight on Air Force One. But thanks for asking.

Donald: Little Marco? It’s me, big Donald. Want to be my VP?
Marco Rubio: Sorry, Donald, but as we proud Cuban-Americans say, “No, Gracias.”

Donald: Governor? Any chance I could get you to run as my VP?
Nikki Haley: Sorry, but there’s someone on the other line. Gotta go. [click]

Donald: Susana? Want to join my ticket and fly Trump airlines to the White House?
Susana Martinez: Gee I’d love to, but I’m waiting for a new lint filter on my dryer and I can’t be in Washington when they come to install it.

Donald: Hey Doc — want to run with me?
Ben Carson: You do realize that I know even less about foreign policy than you do?
Donald: Who cares? Running this country ain’t brain surgery.
Ben Carson: It’s not? Okay then, I’m in! Did you know that I once almost killed a guy with a knife?
Donald: [click].

Donald: Vince? We met when you attended my rally in West Chester in April, and I’m hearing great things about your work with the block party committee. Really great. As I understand it, you folks built a huge barrier out of orange tape and got the city to pay for it. I’m calling to talk to you about a job, Vince. A huge job. A terrific job. A job that isn’t for losers. What do you say, Vince? Are you with me?
Vince: [Click].

(This piece first appeared on HumorOutcasts.)

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Roz Warren Roz is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor. She writes for The New York Times and The Funny Times. Her work also appears in Good Housekeeping, The Christian Science Monitor, The Philadelphia Inquirer and the Humor Times. Connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter or visit her website.

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