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[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Trump’s New Strategy: Going After Ignored Demographics

Aug 272016
 
 By , August 27, 2016

Trump takes his campaign in a bold new direction

Trump’s new team has come up with a unique strategy, going after ignored demographics. The first group they have selected are “Players and Cheating Husbands.”

Trump with Marla Maples

Trump with Marla Maples in his more “swinging” days.

Trump plans to address groups of single men in frat houses and strip clubs and share memories of his youthful playboy life style. New staffers, known as “Trumpettes,” will provide free lap dances.

Finding groups of cheating husbands is more challenging, but the team expects to solve this one glitch soon as they have hired Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters as a consultant. Trump has been practicing a large repertoire of jokes about “getting some action on the side” whenever Melania is out shopping.

To help the crowd identify with him, he plans to remind them of his much publicized triangle with Ivana and Marla Maples. In case someone brings up how he slipped up, got Maples pregnant, and had to marry her, he plans to explain how he learned from his mistakes to be more careful and, as a goodwill gesture, will pass out condoms with his grinning face on the wrapper.

His advisors are concerned about one subgroup, however, the cheaters who want their wives to forgive them and stay married. After all, Hillary is their poster child.

He then plans to travel to Utah and seek out men who have multiple wives, or as they prefer to be called sister wives. He will praise them for their bold life style, which he feels is far more desirable than his serial monogamy (especially the costly divorces) or all the maneuvering it takes to cheat.

He is looking into whether he can remove sanctions for bigamy by executive order. It is rumored that Woody Allen has contacted him to see if that would also apply to family members.

Other ignored demographics the new team believes will relate to Trump are: racists who think they aren’t; narcissists; guys with bad looking hair transplants and wigs; and serial liars.

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Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda is a third generation Latina and retired UCLA professor. Tired of cranking out technical articles in a "publish or perish" atmosphere, she now spends most of her time writing adult fiction, children's books, parody, and satire. Her weapon of choice is the limerick, aimed with humor and a touch of malice at society's icons, celebrities, politicians, and other irritating folk.

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