[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Trump takes his campaign in a bold new direction
Trump’s new team has come up with a unique strategy, going after ignored demographics. The first group they have selected are “Players and Cheating Husbands.”
Trump plans to address groups of single men in frat houses and strip clubs and share memories of his youthful playboy life style. New staffers, known as “Trumpettes,” will provide free lap dances.
Finding groups of cheating husbands is more challenging, but the team expects to solve this one glitch soon as they have hired Joey Greco from the TV show Cheaters as a consultant. Trump has been practicing a large repertoire of jokes about “getting some action on the side” whenever Melania is out shopping.
To help the crowd identify with him, he plans to remind them of his much publicized triangle with Ivana and Marla Maples. In case someone brings up how he slipped up, got Maples pregnant, and had to marry her, he plans to explain how he learned from his mistakes to be more careful and, as a goodwill gesture, will pass out condoms with his grinning face on the wrapper.
His advisors are concerned about one subgroup, however, the cheaters who want their wives to forgive them and stay married. After all, Hillary is their poster child.
He then plans to travel to Utah and seek out men who have multiple wives, or as they prefer to be called sister wives. He will praise them for their bold life style, which he feels is far more desirable than his serial monogamy (especially the costly divorces) or all the maneuvering it takes to cheat.
He is looking into whether he can remove sanctions for bigamy by executive order. It is rumored that Woody Allen has contacted him to see if that would also apply to family members.
Other ignored demographics the new team believes will relate to Trump are: racists who think they aren’t; narcissists; guys with bad looking hair transplants and wigs; and serial liars.
Diane de Anda
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