[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
“And Lester Holt is a dirty, stinking rigger!” Trump said, following the debate fiasco.
GREENSBORO, NC – In the wake of Monday’s disastrous presidential debate, Donald Trump called on his supporters to rise up immediately and seize power “before I lose the next debate and Hillary Clinton comes to take away your guns!”
Trump added: “And Lester Holt is a dirty, stinking rigger! The worst! Black as the Ace of Spades, which by the way is a very nice Ace.
“Him and Janet Lynch, now there’s an interesting name, they’re gonna feel right at home on the plantation I’m gonna send them to my very first day as God Emperor! It’ll be the best plantation, very classy, believe me.”
Amid chants of “USA! USA!” Trump noted that many of his supporters were already openly preparing for civil war if Hillary gets elected.
He also recalled that last year, 43% of Republicans said they supported a military coup. That number was probably higher now, he said.
“So why wait?” he shouted. “If we’re gonna do it, let’s do it before that fat, bimbo pig gets elected!”
Pinching his thumb and tiny forefinger together, pinkie up, Trump continued: “Like Kissinger said about Chile, we can’t just let it happen because people vote for it. The issues, by which I mean me, are much too important for that.”
In Moscow, Russian president Vladimir Putin said that he “strongly approved” of Mr Trump’s call for an armed insurrection to stop Hillary Clinton and take over the US government.
“Forget about NATO,” he said. “No Action. Talk Only. Do they pay their bills? Nyet. But Russia is Donald’s big friend and even bigger creditor. If he marches on Washington, we’ll be happy to support him with tanks, troops and planes. He can pay us back later out of the US Treasury.
“Da, da, it will be just like Crimea and Ukraine. We peace-loving Russian people have always supported freedom and independence. With your new God Emperor and Glorious Leader in the White House, we will all enjoy a completely new world order.
“Make America and Russia great again!”
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