[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Media plotters against The Donald are left in disarray after his incredible intelligence exposes their devious plans.
Comrades: devastating news. The Donald has discovered our plot.
Through incredible intelligence and insight he has uncovered our meticulous plan to unite the media world against him.
But he has.
Our uniting thousands of essayists, cartoonists, writers, lampoonists, actors, comedians, singers, songwriters, novelists, television announcers, poets and a myriad of other voices into an international web of anti-Trumpism is a feat perhaps unsurpassed in history. Yet he caught on.
We are now in danger, my brothers and sisters. Should he become President the revenge he will wreak upon us shall shadow the burning of the Jews in WWII, the slaughter of Armenians under the Ottoman Empire, the salting of Carthage, and the making of another Sharknado movie.
Thank God for Bernie Sanders saving our skins. That practiced socialist was well trained in the secret art of subversion taught to him by his secret Communist overlords who delivered messages to him by submarine through out his career. Were is not for his skills and talents aiding us we would never have gotten so far. He is our Jewish Savior.
We must flee to other lands where we will be safe from the Orange Skinned One’s wrath and able to live in freedom. At present that would include the countries of Canada, Costa Rica, the Czech Republic and France. After he is President and has expanded his power, even Russia, Red China and North Korea would be safer havens.
If not,then we must face the wrath he could imbue should we be ‘outed ‘ by him. A constant stream of angry Twitters leashed against us, name calling, derogatory comments, accusations, comments regarding our physique, our race, our sex, our financial status, our nationality, our being “losers.” There is no end to the vile commentary his sharply witted mind could invent or the economic assaults he could instigate.
But before we run for refuge, beloved ones, we should attempt one last, all-out media siege against He Who Shall Be Known As ‘The Donald.’ We need one last uprising like the polish did in the Warsaw revolt, like John Wayne at the Alamo, as did the 300 Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae and like John Travolta attempting yet one last comeback. We have that much left in us yet that has not been snuffed out.
Writers! Sharpen your pencils and your wits against him who would censor us!
Cartoonists! Lamblast him with all due fury. Remember to make his hands look small!
Satirists! Skewer him so that he writhes like a serpent impaled! Like a Miss Universe shamed!
Comics! Smother him in witticisms! Especially ones he doesn’t understand himself!
Essayists! Write more snooty columns about him! Use words bigger than what he can understand!
Reporters! Dig up more dirt on him! Look under his carpet! Look under his feet!
Saturday Night Live! Haul Alec Baldwin out and have him do another Trump satire! You know that really gets under The Donald’s skin!
Remember always the pledges we media brethren have made: “All for one and one for all!” “United we stand, divided we fall!” “All of us are stronger than one of us!” and “Let’s get the orange haired freak before we are all out of a job!”
We have only two weeks left to overturn this behemoth that threatens our land, our lives our women.
Our secret bond is that we can all stand together under the tyrant and bring about his downfall. Now, as the going gets tough, we drink more. But don’t let that stop us. He has discovered our secret alliance and our plot, but we can use weapons he doesn’t understand — Honesty, Integrity, Ingenuity, Imagination and lastly, the True Truth.
COMRADES! STAY UNITED TO THE END!
Although there is the possibility Hillary might be almost as bad…
Hmm… Who is the Green Party candidate again?
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