[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Leaked Trump emails expose desperate, last ditch effort to throw the election.
On the eve of the 2016 U.S. presidential elections, the notorious exposé website Wakileaks has released thousands of hacked emails from Donald Trump’s private server.
The exact source of the email leak has not been officially ascertained, but it is suspected that they originated from the tiny hermit kingdom of Bhutan which is known to have only one computer powered by 10 D batteries taped together. It is believed that the hermit Buddhist nation wants to throw the election over to the Hillary side.
Foremost amongst the emails are nude photo attachments of Melania Trump, which the world news media, mostly men, have spent most of their time investigating. Of lesser interest to them are the coup plots against other sovereign nations, casino money laundering, shady business deals with the Russians and plans for building Alaskan gulags for registered Democrats.
Outstanding among the exposed emails are:
- Political endorsements from Kim Jong Un, Vladimir Putin, Dick Cheney, Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte, the entire Burmese military junta, Satan and Hulk Hogan.
- Photos of naked Miss Universe contestants taken through the keyholes of Convention Center dressing room doors.
- Outlines for a Presidential order making gambling legal in all states. And mandatory.
- Receipts of bribes paid to State Department officials for changing a Slovenian passport to an American.
- Plans for the making of a second direct hotline phone link between the White House and Putin for the purpose of making covert business deals.
- Letters detailing how to launder Trump’s IRS tax refund money through offshore Caribbean banks.
- Clothing orders to Chinese sweat factories for new Presidential female intern outfits featuring miniskirts and push up bras.
- Blueprints for installing rows of slot machines along the halls in Congress.
- Plans to raise funds for the 2020 election by auctioning off Melania’s lacy underwear.
- Detailed plans for the invasion and takeover of Monaco as being a threat to the U.S. and to Trump’s gambling empire.
- Online copies of Mein Kampf with many paragraphs underlined.
- Profile drawings for the new addition to Mount Rushmore to be made during Trump’s first year as President.
- Orders making it mandatory for all U.S. Senators and Legislators to wear togas when Congress is in session.
- Plans for an iron mask designed to be put on Hillary after she is incarcerated and put in a secret dungeon after The Donald wins the election.
- Submitted designs for various “President For Life.” posters.
- Melania Trump’s interior design plans for transforming the White House into more of a disco motif.
- Secret emails to his good buddy Putin, stating that once he is President he will consider everyone under him to be “Losers!!!” That includes four star generals, long serving senators, State Governors, patriotic heroes, millionaires, etc.
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