[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
‘Orwellian Obedience is Ordered to be Ordinarily Observed,’ says first Tenet via Trump Tweet.
“We’re going to win so much, you’ll get sick of winning,” begins a statement released today by Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s transition team spokesperson and former scarecrow template. “And to win, every team needs a strong leader — a leader everyone obeys, no questions asked. This is why we’re starting our new ‘Tenet via Trump Tweet’ regimen.
“From the moment Donald J Trump is sworn in as President of the United States and Ruler of the Free World,” the statement continues, “our Dear Leader will let us know what is expected of us exclusively via Trump Tweet. All citizens will be expected to be followers of Mr Trump’s Twitter account, and to follow each ‘Tenet Tweet’ to the letter. That’s how we Win!”
Conway noted that since Trump has not yet been sworn in, “compliance is at this time still voluntary. But we are encouraging all citizens to start getting used to it by practicing absolute obedience — immediately, if not sooner.
“And I would warn any critics of this new way of doing things: be careful what you say. After all, Donald is the King of Suits, and as president, he’ll be in an awfully good position to sue your pants off.”
“Better to just acquiesce, don’t you think?” she added with a wink.
It has been suggested that since tweeting seems to be Mr Trump’s favorite activity, the country can expect a lot of these Tenets via “Trump Tweet.” In fact — although not yet compulsory, as Conway noted — Donald Trump wasted no time in beginning his new “Trump Tenet Tweet” series. He began with this one:
As expected, there has been some push back from the few remaining Democrats in Washington. However, Ms Conway was quick to admonish them: “Let’s face it, The Donald does as he pleases,” she said.
Among the immediate torrent of Trump Tenet Tweets came these:
Twitter, Inc responded to inquiries with a statement of its own:
“As ordered by Trump Tenet Tweet 0017 today, all Twitter accounts will be automatically enrolled as followers of @realDonaldTrump immediately following the swearing in of our new President and Wise Leader. We thank the Great One for this opportunity to serve.”
Facebook also noted its intention to make all its members “friend” Donald Trump’s account, and all other social media appeared to be falling in line as well.
“Hell, we don’t want to get sued by a sitting president — especially this one! We’d lose, and probably end up in the Gulag,” offered one social media company CEO anonymously.
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