[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Donald Trump decided being president would be just too hard
President-elect Donald Trump resigned as President Monday, shortly after arriving in Manhattan for a briefing with the Department of Defense. Details are still coming in, but some say the reason for his resignation has to do with a reading assignment he was given shortly before the holiday break.
Mr. Trump was on his way to meeting with the DOD in the wee hours Monday morning when advised by his advisor that he would be required to answer questions relating to the information provided in the top secret security briefing memos.
Not one to shirk his responsibilities, the Donald fired off a tweet that said “I know everything. I don’t need a briefing to know everything, but I’ll go.”
About two minutes into the briefing, Trump came out of the room appearing confused and nonplussed. He agreed to a short 20-second press briefing.
“I kept getting these emails from the DOD and I wondered, ‘why are they calling it DOD?’ Then it dawned on me, they must be talking about the Department of Donald, and well, I already know what I know so why should I read something that I know I know? But I decided, okay, I’ll go just in case there is something they might not know, and need me to clear things up for them.”
“Besides,” he said, “they always serve the best croissants at these breakfast meetings.”
After the Donald spoke, a reporter whispered to Dennis Rodman, who was standing beside Trump waving a North Korean flag, and Dennis whispered to Trump.
Seemingly unfazed, Trump then announced, “Well folks, it appears DOD stands for Department of Defense. Who knew? You coulda knocked me over with a comb. But that’s ok, I’ll just resign.”
Turning to no one in particular, he added “I can do that, can’t I? I mean, I don’t have to be president if I don’t want to do I?”
While the question seemed rhetorical and just a tad elementary, a reporter from NPR, who had been hiding in the back of the briefing room the whole time in order to escape detection by the President-elect, spoke up.
“No, Mr. Almost President, you don’t.”
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