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Our Reluctant Pitcher-in-Chief

Apr 092017
 
 By , April 9, 2017

“A scheduling conflict has led President Donald Trump to balk at throwing the opening day first pitch for the Washington Nationals…” — CNN

Trump first pitch

Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

The “real news” reasons President Trump declined to throw out the first pitch:

  • Caddies not permitted on pitcher’s mound.
  • He is Boycotting baseball until “illegals” are prohibited from casting ballots in All Star Game vote.
  • Too busy working on his tax returns.
  • Baseball doesn’t have hot cheerleaders wearing short skirts.
  • Knows he would fail post-game doping test.
  • Nationals wouldn’t allow him to throw bean-ball at Washington press corps.
  • Afraid Obama would steal the catcher’s sign for first pitch.
  • Ball is too large for his pitching hand.
  • Nationals’ declined his offer to re-negotiate their bad off-season trade deals.
  • Vlad thinks baseball is boring.
  • Made campaign promise to snub baseball until designated hitter rule is repealed and replaced.
  • National Park’s seating capacity is too small to have biggest Opening Day crowd ever.
  • Fox News not broadcasting the game.
  • Insulted he wasn’t invited him into clubhouse for some locker-room talk.
  • Holding out for Hall of Fame induction.
  • Throws like a girl.
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Ben Krull

Ben Krull is a Family Law attorney in New York and a freelance writer. His essays have appeared in The New York Times, Baltimore Sun, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and other publications.
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