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Why Burkas on American Women Might Not Be a Bad Idea…

Feb 202012
 
 By , February 20, 2012

Burkas are the head to toe traditional wear for adult females in the most fundamentalist of Islamic countries. They are designed to cover up all possibilities of erotic stimulation coming from even the oldest of women. Standard wear in much of Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia, they are scorned as repressive by women throughout the rest of the world. It bears reexamining, however, as Western women might actually have much to gain from their use.

Were American women to wear burkas, then:

There would be a lot less money spent on makeup.

Fashions wouldn’t be so important because no one can see them.

There would be no need for female school uniforms.

Skinny, arrogant, vain fashion models would disappear from sight.

The thong craze would hopefully finally die out.

There would be no more jealousy between thin and fat girls because no matter what their figure is like they would all look like clumps.

Women wouldn’t have to worry anymore about having facial hair or uni-brows — no one would see them.

No one will notice the cellulite.

Fashion magazines would disappear from magazine racks leaving more room for more important publications such as ‘Cigar Aficionado’.

Photo models will loose their work and finally have to go out and earn a real living like the rest of us.

Less money would be needed for tanning supplies and tanning salons.

No more female jealousy when two women wear the same outfit because ALL women would be wearing the same outfit.

Subway groupers won’t know where to grope.

No one will know if you aren’t wearing deodorant.

Anyone can be a model — all women would look the same.

Less traffic accidents from men drivers doing too much girl watching.

It would be harder for molesters to find what they are trying to molest.

Tattoo parlors will go out of business.

Less animal experimentation for cosmetic testing.

Any woman could be a Playboy bunny — they would be all covered up anyway.

Going out on a blind date would be like getting a Cracker Jack prize — you never would know what you are getting.

 

OTHER USES FOR BURKAS WHEN THEY AREN’T BEING WORN:

Table cloth (and the head piece can hold a flower arrangement).

Can be dyed white and used for Klu Klux Klan meetings (or as a Casper the friendly ghost Halloween costume).

Can be used as a backup parachute for skydivers.

A towel for when you aren’t that wet.

A bed sheet and a pan can be put under the face holes for chronic bed wetters.

A ventilated tarp.

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from Lulu.com. A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.