[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
New line of Ivanka fragrances
With the wild success of her newly introduced perfume, Ivanka has announced that she will be rolling out an entire line of scents: The next will be “Putin on the Ritz.” The commercial for the fragrance will have Vladamir Putin and Ivanka dressed as Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dancing across a gilded ballroom floor.
Near the end of the music, Ivanka will spritz herself with the perfume, and Putin will respond by ripping off his jacket and shirt, revealing the word Ivanka glittering across his bare chest. He will then flex and unflex his pecs to have the letters dance in tune to the music.
After a month, Ivanka will introduce her third fragrance, “The Scent of Money.” Her father has ordered the U.S. Mint to give his daughter free access as she tries to capture the scent of newly minted money. The commercial has already been shot, with three models clad in g-strings and pastees rolling around on newly minted bills.
Noting the success of Dior’s Poison, Ivanka wanted a brash, dangerous name for her fourth scent. However, her father objected to her first two choices. Her first choice was Treason, but her father indicated that he was uncomfortable having that word associated publicly with the family. Next, she was also dissuaded from using the name Uranium, because her father couldn’t pronounce it. They have decided to have a contest to name the fragrance, with the prize being a ride in Air Force One.
Ivanka is having trouble with her final fragrance, “The Wall.” In a unique concept, the perfume is encapsulated in tiny “bricks” that form a miniature wall. The main problem is that the scent appears to repel rather than attract people. Her father has come to her rescue, writing the purchase of massive amounts into the budget to spray on the wall he plans to build between Mexico and the U.S.
Diane de Anda
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