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President Raskolnikov

May 172017
 
 By , May 17, 2017
President Raskolnikov

Maybe the President just likes firing people

The firing of FBI Director James Comey by the President of the United States slammed Washington with the suddenness of a two-story bowling ball hitting the South Portico after being dropped from a blimp. And the repercussions have shot across the Capitol like a flurry of Kansas tornadoes, causing the entire Beltway to chant, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”

A variety of reasons were given for the hasty dismissal. The FBI is in turmoil. Comey lost the confidence of the FBI rank and file. He did a lousy job. Way too tall. Has weird hair. Talks funny. Passes gas in elevators, pretending other people are responsible, then waves his hands and lights matches.

Supposedly, President Trump was unhappy with “atrocities” committed during the Hillary Clinton email investigation. Six months later, the President objects to actions that might have handed him the Oval Office. Makes as much sense as New England Patriot wide receivers complaining that Tom Brady throws his passes too accurately.

Maybe the President just likes firing people. It is his brand. Eventually he fires everybody: people who help him, people who don’t help him, people who don’t want to help him, complete strangers, employees, chefs, wives, pets, and various pieces of household furniture. Jared Kushner should start worrying about being stripped of his position as consort to Princess Ivanka. Rumor continue to float the reason Melania remains in New York City is proximity to a better class of divorce lawyers.

In the beginning, Comey’s sacking was said to be the recommendation of Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein. This scenario was promoted by Vice President Mike Pence, White House insiders and a newly rolled out apprentice press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who is flip-flopping with Sean Spicer, so as not to wear him out. Like alternating two pairs of dress shoes neither of which can walk straight.

But then the President told NBC anchor Lester Holt that he had already prepared to bum-rush Comey, throwing his own staffers so deep under the bus, they got axle grease all over their inaccurate little lips. Trump said one reason for pink-slipping the director is because the guy was a big time showboater and grandstander. Trump said that. About someone else. You can’t make stuff up like this.

The irony of this emerging from the mouth of President Braggadocio should be taken not with a grain of salt but an entire 15 pound Himalayan hanging salt lick. A statement of such breathtaking myopia, it earns a plaque in the Self-Delusional Hall of Fame.

POTUS 45 said J. Edgar’s successor told him three times that he wasn’t under investigation which could be construed as obstructing justice and so illegal, chuckles will soon be leaking from Richard Nixon’s grave. Not to mention Hillary Clinton’s bunker. Who would never have fired Comey. Right.

After actually intimating he was thinking about the Russian probe, Trump then walked into a closed door meeting with the very same Russian diplomat, Sergey Kislyak, who’s at the heart of the investigation. Talk about two-story bowling balls.

Firing the guy investigating him does make the aerodynamic coif appear a bit desperate, almost like Raskolnikov, the guilty and paranoid protagonist in “Crime and Punishment.” Another Russian. Coincidence? Well. Yeah. Okay. Probably.

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The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says "Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!" Check his website, willdurst.com, for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will's books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.

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