[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
In the South, Romney enlisted the help of Jeff Foxworthy, in New York, he needs Flavor Flav
With the New York primary coming up in late April, GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney is pretty sure he has that state sewn up simply because Wall Street is in New York, and Wall Street loves Mitt Romney. However, New York also boasts a very large black population and without the black vote, the race may be tighter than he would like.
Much like the problems he had connecting with poor white southerners in the states of Georgia, Alabama and Mississippi, Romney’s handlers claim that he needs the best possible Ebonics coach to “jive” his way to victory in New York.
For this endeavor, there is no better tutor to take on the task than the “King of Ghetto Talk” himself, Flavor Flav. Flava says he is humbled that a man of Romney’s stature would even consider asking him to help.
According to Mitt Romney’s closest friend, John R. Bentley III, Mitt talks a great game when he’s in front of his peers, but you put him in a situation where he has to communicate with just plain folk whose socioeconomic status doesn’t come close to his, and he’s like a duck out of water.
Bentley can’t say enough good things about comedian Jeff Foxworthy, who came to Romney’s rescue earlier this month by teaching him some key southern phrases in order to save him from utter defeat in the South.
“Oh sure, we lost a few southern states to Santorum and Gingrich,” said Bentley, “but we got out of there alive, and that was our main goal going into those primaries.”
But connecting with black voters in the NY hood may be a tad more difficult. That’s why his handlers have hired one of the best Ebonics coaches around to teach Romney how to speak ghetto.
“Yeah what? Ima make that white boy talk the bop, fo’ shizzle,” said Flavor Flav when asked to comment on his upcoming gig as Romney’s Ebonics coach.
“I have no idea what a ‘fo shizzle’ is,” Romney replied. “But if I can master French, I don’t really see the difficulty in learning Ebonics,” he added as he made his way to a $1000 a plate luncheon at the Waldorf Astoria.
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