[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Other unscripted remarks by President Obama overheard by the press
Based on his “public” comments to Russian president Medvedev in Seoul, President Obama can stake a claim to having the most transparent administration ever. Here are some other unscripted comments that our dog-whistle-hearing reporters overheard from our Leaker in Chief:
“Don’t tell Geithner, but after the election I’m appointing you Treasury Secretary.”
— President Obama speaking to former Greek Prime Minister George Papademos, at a Spenders Anonymous meeting.
“Can you send me a case of your best Bordeaux for my inauguration? I’ll need it to wash away the taste of all the crappy food I’m going to have to eat while campaigning at state fairs.”
— Speaking to French President Nicolas Sarkozy at Davos.
“As soon as the election is over, the Presidential Medal of Freedom is all yours.”
— Speaking to Bill Ayers, in the Lincoln Bedroom.
“I’ll put in your application for statehood right after I’m sworn in. Mi case es su casa!”
— From a secret meeting with Mexican president Felipe Calderon, at a Taco Bell near the Arizona border.
“I’ll get you your foreign aid package. Just make sure you burn that birth certificate.”
— From a double-secret phone call to Kenyan president Mwai Kibaki.
“Can you write me some Sarah Palin Jokes for my inauguration speech?”
— From a conversation with Bill Maher, backstage at the MTV Music Awards.
“If you put off bombing Iran until after the election, I’ll seat you next to Woody Allen at the next state dinner.”
— Speaking to Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu at the U.N. (Translated from the Yiddish).
“Okay. No more night raids. But first you have to tell Axelrod how you fixed your re-election.”
— From a video chat with Afaghan president Hamid Karzai.
“On behalf of the American people I am really, really sorry for how evil we’ve been. I will publicly apologize to your people, right after the votes in Florida are counted.”
— From a text message to Cuban president Raul Castro.
“After the election I’ll stop complaining about piracy…provided you give Michelle her choice of knock-off designer handbags.”
— From a meeting with Chinese president Hu Jinato.
“I’ll keep you on the ticket, but you have to go along with our story about your chronic laryngitis.”
— From an Oval Office meeting with Vice President Joe Biden.
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