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The Republican Plan to Improve the Economy if They Take Over… er… Are Elected

Apr 162012
 By , April 16, 2012

How GOP candidates will improve the economy if elected:

Start a new war to refocus attention away from the bad state of national affairs, and to bolster arm sales and allow corporate ‘service’ interests to leech money off the taxpayers to ‘support’ the military effort.

Start a ‘Threat To Be Terrified Of ‘ of the week campaign.

improve the economy by turning national parks into golf courses

One way Republicans will improve the economy is by turning all national parks into golf courses.

Turn all National Parks into huge golf courses which will hire the locals that haven’t been evicted to work at the menial jobs.

Turn each State government over to a corporate entity to run. All residents of the state will lose their citizenship and automatically become employees of the corporation. The State of New York will become the state of Dow Jones, Illinois will become Armour Meats, Kansas will be known as Monsanto and Washington State as Wehrhausen, for example. The only state to retain its original name will be Texas, although the name will be adjusted to Texas Instruments.

Do workers a ‘favor’ by allowing them to work three jobs to survive.

Fence off Washington D.C. from anyone without connections or with an income under $150,000.

Allow people to live at their job site so they don’t have to be paid as much and they can be at work earlier.

Giving foreign workers ‘Serf’ status as long they stay at menial jobs and do not try to advance economically.

Start a ‘Be A Patriot And Get a Second Job’ club in your hometown.

Give the unemployed minimum wage jobs demolishing the very houses they lost to foreclosure. Since the banks cannot sell them, the Uber-rich can use the empty land spaces to expand the property of their second, third and fourth homes.

Move the homeless out to floating barges in the ocean where they won’t sully up the downtown areas and they can fish to survive. If they die at sea, they can be buried in the ocean and not take up valuable land space in the cities with their graves.

Make Walmart the only store for the lower class that is allowed  to get a business license and ban the rest, so there will be more room for ritzy outlet and specialty stores for the rich, since they will shortly be the only ones to have money anyway.

Allow drilling in people’s backyards.

Create an economic stimulus for the upper classes by making slavery legal again.


How Democrats will improve the economy if re-elected:

Cave in to everything the Republicans want.


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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.

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