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If Rap Songs Really Told It Like It Is

May 062012
 
 By , May 6, 2012

They rap on and on, but those ‘songs’ the rappers spill from their lips and their hips just seem to go in circles that lead nowhere. Isn’t it time they finally listened to non-rap brother Aaron Neville and just “Tell It Like It Is”?

 

(Rap these refrains to any ol’ music that comes into your head.)

I want bling,

bling is everything

I wear bling on my ear

so long as it doesn’t make me look queer.

I wear ’em on my hands so

they know that I’m a singer

especially the one they see

when I give ’em the finger.

Someday I suppose

I’ll even wear one on my nose.

Every part of my body has bling

even got one on my ding-a-ling

I’ll make my livin’ as a rap star

who’d ever thought I’d have got this far

I’ll do anything to get my bling

the coolest thing is I can’t even sing!

————————————

I sing my rap

I know its really crap

but its the one kind of work

where you can be a total jerk

Any real stress is done by my agent

I myself don’t need any talent.

I sure am glad it pays

It’s better than my early days

It is so good I finally got wise

And ain’t still out there flippin’ french fries.

—————————————————–

You know it is all a big joke,

since most who buy rap are the white young folk’

It’s all kids from the suburbs

who never knew ghetto curbs.

And the only knives that they know

are those their mommas use on cookie dough.

They pay a lotta bucks for our CD’s on the rack

which they think will help to make them black.

They think it really makes them cool

but it really just helps them to be a real fool.

To them the meaning of ‘ho’

is what you say to make a horse slow.

I call ’em bitches and I call ’em ho’s

which makes ’em mad I do suppose

Maybe that is why I never score

and I’m still a virgin at 24.

I call ’em ho’s cause my mom was

and I figure that’s all a female does.

That’s just fine, just dandy with me

It relieves me of the responsibility

That whenever I’m hangin’ with a doll

Of ever bein’ more than a Neanderthal.

————————————————

All through out our history

black folks have been a mystery.

We put up a long and hard fought fight

to get recognition of our civil rights.

And to prove ourselves not an inferior race

we had to put on a more human face

but now with the advent of modern rap

we’re gonna fill in the evolutionary gap.

In one generation, in just a blink

we will prove that we’re the missing link.

All the progress we’ve made rap will erase

and ruin the reputation of an entire race.

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from Lulu.com. A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.