[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
‘His ad featuring him speaking a rather fluent Spanish is most suspicious,’ says new Birthers group leader Orly Taitz
Birthers, that group of doubters that insisted (some still insist) that President Barack Obama was not born in the U.S., but in Kenya, have now turned their sites on Mitt Romney, the presumed nominee for president of the Republican party.
The group, led by Lou Dobbs and Orly Taitz, is well-known for being suspicious of outsiders. Romney, just by virtue of being a Mormon, already has their hackles up. But now some are claiming that Romney was not even born in the United States, and is therefore ineligible to run for president.
They cite evidence that Mr. Romney was born in Mexico. “His parents forged his Michigan birth certificate, and planted the birth notice in the paper there,” said Alan Keyes, another prominent new Romney birther, echoing his previous allegations against Obama.
“It’s so obvious. They knew he’d get rich and famous once he got to America — who doesn’t? — and that Americans would be ready to elect a Mormon after electing a black man,” Keyes said. “How’d they know we would elect a black man by now? I dunno, those Mexicans are smarter than they look.”
It’s already a known fact that Romney’s father is Mexican: George Romney was born in 1907 in an American colony in the Mexican state of Chihuahua. “For this reason, Mitt could have dual citizenship if he chose to, and could be a Mexican citizen, with full rights there — why hasn’t he? Is he trying to cover something up?” charged Orly Taitz.
Romney communications director Gail Gitcho claims the candidate is from Michigan. He has a “birth certificate” (forged, say detractors), saying he was born Willard Mitt Romney, on March 12, 1947 in Detroit, Michigan.
“But have you seen his campaign ad?” asked Lou Dobbs. “He speaks awfully good Spanish. I don’t know how you learn that growing up in a northern state like Michigan.”
In fact, the GOP front runner has deep roots in Mexico, including about 40 relatives descended from religious pioneers who first traveled to Mexico 125 years ago, according to a report that aired on NBC’s “Rock Center with Brian Williams” on January 9th of this year.
“Some of the group now living there migrated after polygamy was outlawed in 1980, to live where husbands could still legally have multiple wives — can you trust someone born of people like that?” Dobbs asked. “Besides, a Mexican Mormon? Talk about your illegals. That’s the worst.”
Romney claims he has never visited his clan in Mexico, who live in Colonia Juarez and Colonia Dublan, two settlements just 175 miles south of the border and not far from treacherous drug cartel territory. The relatives there say they support Mitt’s candidacy, and are very proud of their family history.
“Yeah, right! Never went there, but has rabid supporters. Sure, Mitt, sure!” laughed Keyes.
Even if Mitt Romney was born in Mexico, his parents were U.S. citizens, and by law, that makes him a “natural born citizen.” Informed of this, Ms. Taitz said, “So what? We birthers didn’t let that stop us with Obama.”
“Face it, he’s running for president of the United States for one reason: To help his native country overrun us with drugs — with a little help from their drug cartel friends and neighbors — thereby making it easy to take us over,” she added.
“What I’m afraid of is, he’s got this whole clan working inside Mexico for him,” Taitz went on.
“They’ve probably got the Mexican government behind them. He is a white man, though, and therefore obviously smarter than Obama. If Obama couldn’t sell us out to Kenya in four years, he just can’t do it. So, when it comes down to it, Mitt Romney is just more of a threat.”
More evidence birthers cite against Mitt Romney:
Follow the “Mexican Romney” on Twitter @MexicanMitt. One favorite tweet was basically a full confession: “You know how you can tell I am Mexican? Because I take the Americans jobs!”
An Onion News video, covering a campaign ad for Romney, which courts Hispanic voters with “Paco,” a taco-loving cartoon parrot:
For more background on this developing story, watch this video describing what birthers believe about Barack Obama.
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