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Roz Warren

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Roz Warren writes for The New York Times and The Funny Times. Her work also appears in Good Housekeeping, The Christian Science Monitor and The Philadelphia Inquirer. Visit her website: www.rosalindwarren.com

May 142013
 
Congratulations on Your New Diagnosis! (Greeting Cards for People with Mental Problems)

It’s true, there are greeting cards for everything these days…

By Roz Warren, Isaac Blum and Kate Stone

Happy birthday to you and all of your personalities.

Hope The Folks Who Are Out To Get You Fail.

Greeting CardsDeepest Sympathy for the Loss of your Imaginary Friend.

Happy Anniversary to you and the Cuisinart whose commands rule your life.

Enjoy your trip to Narnia!

Just Wondering — Did you turn the door knob the correct number of times when you left your house this morning?

Congratulations on Skyping With God.

So Glad You’re My Friend! Hope nothing happens to you on Your Way To Work!

Here’s hoping the voices in your head always say nice things.

Congratulations! You alone, out of all of humanity, have been chosen to Survive the Coming Apocalypse.

So glad you’re out of lock-up. May all your dreams come true!

Thinking of You: Sure hope that odd little growth on your back is benign!

So Happy To Hear That You’re Expecting and That The Baby’s Dad is Brad Pitt.

You’re the Center of the Universe? Mazel Tov!

Sorry you’ve been down. There’s nothing you can do about it and nothing to live for anyway!

Happy July Fourth! Hope this is the year Everyone finally Recognizes that you Really Are Betsy Ross.

A New Bundle of Joy! Just What Your Caseworker Needs — A Challenging New Generation.

Feel Better Soon. Your Next Disease is Right Around the Corner.

Congrats on your acquittal. Hope they never figure out where you stashed the bodies.

Welcome To The Neighborhood. We’re All Watching You!

Apr 262013
 
Chop Your Own Firewood and Learn to Juggle: Advice I Plan to Ignore from "Life's Little Instruction Book"

“Life’s Little Instruction Book,” first published in 1991 as a collection of advice from H. Jackson Brown, Jr. to his college-bound son, has sold millions of copies, been translated into 35 languages, and inspired calendars, posters, journals, greeting cards and screensavers. Not surprisingly, it’s a [more...]

Mar 302013
 
He Wants Me Naked When I Fling the Front Door Open: Joan Price's 'Ageless Erotica'
He Wants Me Naked When I Fling the Front Door Open: Joan Price's 'Ageless Erotica'

Book Review: “Ageless Erotica” If you want a glimpse into the erotic imaginations of sex writers who’ve been around the block a few times, pick up a copy of “Ageless Erotica” a new collection of sex writing by, for and about seniors. Joan Price, 69, [more...]

Mar 072013
 
Laughing and Looking for Love
Laughing and Looking for Love

Seeking love was never so funny “Sexually, I’m More of a Switzerland” is the second collection of personal ads from the London Review of Books, and a more entertaining series of outrageous little paragraphs you will never encounter. Culled by editor David Rose from among [more...]