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Will Durst

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The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst “is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today.” The Humor Times says "Durst is the Sage of Satire, the Learned Lampooner, the King of Political Satire!" Check his website, willdurst.com, for upcoming stand-up performance dates. Will's books, including Elect to Laugh! A Hilarious, Common Sense Guide to American Politics are available at Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. From Ulysses Press.

Jul 272017
 
 By , July 27, 2017
Fifth Avenue Requiem

“I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and wouldn’t lose voters.” – Donald Trump

Anybody remember when Donald Trump boasted, “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and wouldn’t lose voters.” Now that we’ve seen him operate for six months, we have a pretty good idea how that would go down.

  • First he’d shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue.
  • Then he’d maintain that no one in the middle of 5th Avenue was shot.
  • Then he’d claim he was nowhere near 5th Avenue when someone was shot but couldn’t speak for his family.
  • Witnesses that identified him as the person who shot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue would be disregarded because they voted Democratic in 1984.
  • Then he’d claim he had teams of investigators working on who shot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue.
  • Then he’d deny that Fifth Avenue exists.
  • Then he’d insist that the person who shot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue was hired by Hillary Clinton herself, and he would have won the popular vote if millions of illegal votes hadn’t been cast.
  • Then Sarah Huckabee Sanders would say that when Donald Trump said he would shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue he was only kidding.
  • Then he’d say he’d publicly announce whether he had shot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue in a very short period of time.
  • Then he would point out a squirrel with a fluffy tail running across the middle of Fifth Avenue.
  • Then the videotape of him shooting someone in the middle of 5th Avenue would be discredited as fake news.
  • Then Sean Hannity would say that people get shot in the middle of 5th Avenue all the time.
  • Then he’d reveal that many people told him he was tremendously innocent and this was all an obvious plot by the media to keep him from Making America Great Again.
  • Then Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III would say that even if Donald Trump did shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue, it wasn’t that big of a deal, but he still had to recuse himself.
  • Then he’d say there was something very suspicious about the person who was shot in the middle of 5th Avenue and ask why no one was investigating that.
  • Then Kellyanne Conway would say that that the person shot in the middle of 5th Avenue deserved to be shot.
  • Then Mike Pence would say he had no knowledge of anything.
  • Then he’d say it doesn’t matter if he shot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue because that person was already dead.
  • Then Fox News would run a piece detailing the great number of Democrats that had shot people in the middle of 5th Avenue.
  • Then he would say he had shot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue but only figuratively.
  • Then he’d say that many people had told him they had shot a lot of people in the middle of 5th Avenue.
  • Then he would say that Hillary Clinton was responsible for many more murders than he was.
  • Then he’d say he was just counter-shooting.
  • Then he’d pardon the person who shot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue, no matter who it was.
  • Then shooting people in the middle of 5th Avenue would become a very popular excursion option for guests staying at Trump Tower, receiving 4 1/2 stars on Trip Advisor.
Jul 222017
 
 By , July 22, 2017
Trump Crime Family's Fake Sons

Why shouldn’t we believe the people surrounding Trump, who haven’t told us the truth, ever? And now, a few choice words about Donald Trump… Junior. Seems as if the eldest son of the Trump Crime Family is not the brilliant hotheaded tactician that Santino was [more…]

Jul 132017
 
 By , July 13, 2017
The Ping-Pong Effect: Executive Orders

Donald Trump derided Barack Obama during his campaign for using Executive Orders, but he has now become addicted to the handy shortcut. Donald J Trump has many tools at his disposal. Both Houses of Congress. The support of rural America. Friends in high places. His [more…]

Jul 072017
 
 By , July 7, 2017
Dear Noble Rustics Who Gave Us Our 45th President

A letter to you real and true Americans who chose this president to lead Last November, you real and true Americans chose a New York City real estate developer as our 45th President because of your disdain for people who have done this sort of [more…]

Jun 192017
 
 By , June 19, 2017
Snowflakes Want Me to be Nicer to Trump

This award-seeking, hard-hitting, investigative journalistic feature has been harshly criticized by certain grammatically-challenged snowflakes. I need to stop and thank all the nice folk who’ve been kind enough to take time from their busy schedules to provide this column with some constructive criticism. By the way, [more…]

Jun 132017
 
 By , June 13, 2017
Comey Don't Play That

A major factor in this “he said/he said” squabble between Trump and Comey is a credibility gap the size of the Louisiana Purchase. Millions of Americans watched transfixed as James Comey testified in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee, and no, that’s not an oxymoron. [more…]

Jun 102017
 
 By , June 10, 2017
Make America Jurassic Again

Trump thinks climate change will be good for America, apparently. President Donald Trump possesses a style described by friends as virile and intuitive and by foes as oafish and oblivious. Some see him a breath of fresh air, with a disarming directness, and others consider [more…]

May 252017
 
 By , May 25, 2017
Best Radioactive Spider Ever

Trump claims the President he has special powers. Apparently he was bitten by a radioactive spider. Donald John Trump is keeping people busy. He’s got staffers, lawyers, streaming news alert editors, impeachment historians, ethics investigators, hair spray manufacturers, Putin watchers, real-estate interpreters, all frantically flapping [more…]

May 172017
 
 By , May 17, 2017
President Raskolnikov

Maybe the President just likes firing people The firing of FBI Director James Comey by the President of the United States slammed Washington with the suddenness of a two-story bowling ball hitting the South Portico after being dropped from a blimp. And the repercussions have [more…]

May 102017
 
 By , May 10, 2017
President Trump Stress Disorder

A new strain of stress disorder is wreaking havoc on Americans. An epidemic is sweeping the nation, causing sufferers to experience feelings of hopeless doom, certain annihilation and cataclysmic collapse. It’s an existential plague manifesting itself by enveloping the stricken in a black cloud of [more…]

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