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Humor Times blog - by James Israel

I publish a monthly paper called the Humor Times, available via subscription anywhere in the world. This blog allows me to comment in a more timely manner on current events, etc., since, after all, I have plenty to say!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Beware of Socialism! For the rich, that is...

All this talk of Barack Obama wanting to "redistribute the wealth" is hilarious. That's what taxes do -- redistribute the wealth -- always have. The question is, do we redistribute it to the poor and middle class, or to the rich? Teddy Roosevelt, John McCain's hero, instituted the progressive income tax, where the rich pay a higher percentage than the poor. It only makes sense -- our culture and society created the infrastructure for some people to make it rich, and they should pay back into that society.

We've always had elements of "socialism" in our society, as do all societies. You don't have to pay the fireman to put out the fire in your house before he acts, do you? That's because we've all agreed to put something in the kitty so that the fireman is paid, can buy the equipment he needs, and is ready to put out fires, wherever they occur (on the rich OR poor man's property). Same with police, school, roads and infrastructure. Same with health care -- in every industrialized country but our own, that is.

Meanwhile, since Reagan, those with the biggest incomes have been benefiting from a kind of "socialism" for the rich. The wealth has been getting redistributed UPWARDS! Tax cut after tax cut for the rich over the last eight years have been put in place by Bush and the Republican congress, up until two years ago, when the Dems took over congress. Obama merely wants to rescind those cuts, and make the tax code more fair again. He also wants to stop rewarding corporations for outsourcing jobs, by eliminating their tax loopholes, which makes sense to nearly everyone who isn't stinking rich -- except for a few nearsighted middle class Republicans, who seem to like voting against their own economic self-interests.

90% of gains in recent years went to the top 10%, 40% of the top gains went to the top 1%. Talk about redistribution of wealth! That's our middle class wealth that's been getting redistributed to the top 1% of the wealthiest people!

I say, it's time to stop subsidizing the rich, time to stop the downward slide of the rest of the population. No more welfare for the rich! Vote Obama!

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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Letter to Republican friends and family

Don’t worry, the country will not collapse, nor become anti-Christian, nor turn socialist if Barack Obama gets elected.

Really now – take a deep breath. That’s right, still your fears for just a minute. Think. Don’t you see the pattern here? This has been the GOP campaign strategy since Karl Rove took it over. My God, they did it to John McCain himself, in 2000.

Don’t you remember? How, in South Carolina, when it became apparent that McCain’s momentum was growing and that he might take the Republican nomination, they started the whisper and email campaigns about him? They said his adopted Bangladeshi daughter was actually a black “love child” of his and that McCain was both gay and cheated on his wife. No, seriously, it’s true. You don’t remember? They spread lies, vicious rumor after vicious rumor, just like they always do. Bush supporters even circulated church fliers that labeled McCain “the fag candidate.” Look it up. Unlike the emails going around about Obama, these are facts, this really happened.


Now John McCain has allowed those same elements in the party to take over his campaign, eight years later. What kind of character does that show, anyway? To knowingly use scummy tactics, after they were used on you and your family, because you’re so desperate to win office.

Any way, the point is, they do this election after election. They did it to John Kerry, they did it even in congressional races, such as the despicable attacks on the character of Max Cleland, a man who sacrificed three limbs – three limbs! – in service to our country. But that didn’t stop these slime-dwellers from questioning his patriotism in the 2002 race, trying to link him with Saddam Hussein, of all things.

Invariably, once these baseless charges, rumors, lies and deceptions are investigated, they are found to be untrue. Quotes are taken completely out of context, records are distorted by playing numbers games, lies are created to “explain” events and associations, racial tensions are fanned, and the smears are repeated ad nauseam. And it’s all aimed at making you afraid.

Yes, it happens every four years, and yet you keep falling for it. Wake up! See the pattern, don’t let yourself get played so easily! They are trying to scare you, and like third graders at a summer camp, you’re letting the scout master scare the bejeezes out of you by the campfire with his monster stories!

And the farther they fall behind in the polls, the more vicious they get – and the more shrill you sound when you try to explain why you just hate the other candidate. It can’t just be that you disagree with his point of view or his policies or his record, even, no – he’s evil!

Wow. Listen to yourself! Don’t you feel silly? Evil? Come on.

Do you really think he could fool this many people if Obama were as wicked as Ms. Palin seems to be saying he is? Could he really fool all those admirals and generals if he was secretly a terrorist? Ya think? Really?


C’mon, let’s stop the pretense. Yeah, I know it must be hard. You were riding high for years, the Republican banner held proudly aloft, as the stock market soared and we went off to spread democracy and freedom. How deflating it must be to realize how badly you had been fooled. The war was based on lies, and the prosperity turned out to be an illusion. Worse, an illusion that got some greedy people stinking rich, while leaving you with deteriorating portfolios, home values and egos.

Life can be a bitch. You know what? I don’t feel sorry for you. You laughed at us when we tried to show you these people were not acting in your best interests. We tried to get your attention, to warn you the country was being sold a bill of goods, and the bill would come due. And it has. Now we’re left with a stinking rubble pile of an economy, and shriveled net worths.

Somebody made off like bandits, but it wasn’t you. So why do you continue to stick up for these clowns? They’re either clowns, or they’re in with the thieves, you decide. The only people they were working for all this time were the rich slobs who ended up profiting from the war and the economic upheaval. So why continue to listen to them? They did you wrong. They continue to do you wrong. And they are lying to you – again – this time about Barack Obama.


Hey, you bet on the wrong horse. The horse has now gone limp. You’re not going to bet on it again, are you? Whaddaya say we try another team – nobody can possibly screw it up any worse than the last team. Maybe we can try using nimble smarts rather than arrogant brawn, just for a while. Who knows, the new guys might even be able to improve things. For you, and for me – rather than for the fat cats this time. Wouldn’t that be nice, for a change?

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Friday, October 10, 2008

McCain's Record On Vets and Troops - Dismal!

How can any veteran, having gone through the hell of combat and war, who achieves a position of power, not support his brethren in the armed forces? In John McCain's case, he even endured years of imprisonment and torture. And yet, where has he been on Veterans' issues? MIA - Missing In Action!

Go to VetVoice.com for the complete, and unbelievable list of ways John McCain has let the troops down. It is long. All I can think is his experience must have warped his mind, because he seems to think all soldiers should just "tough it out" and not receive any help from the country they serve. Sad... and scary! Who would want such an uncompassionate person as a leader?

McCain voted at least 28 times against veterans’ benefits, including healthcare, opposed the 21st century GI bill because it was “too generous,” voted against additional body armor for troops in combat, and voted against a ban on waterboarding – a form of torture – in a move that could eventually endanger American troops. When it comes to "supporting the troops," McCain apparently does not put "Country First," nor the troops, but corporate interests and campaign contributors instead.

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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Railing on the Candidates

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

If you were The Boss, which team would you hire?

I received this in an email recently, I thought it was pretty pertinent. What do you think?

If You were The Boss... Which team would you hire?

With America facing historic debt, multiple war fronts, stumbling health care, a weakened dollar, all-time high prison population, skyrocketing Federal spending, mortgage crisis, bank foreclosures, etc. etc., this is an unusually critical election year.

Let's look at the educational background of the candidates and see what they bring to the job:

Barack Obama:
Punahou School - Grades 5 to 12, Hawaii's most prestigious private school
Occidental College - Two years of undergraduate study.
Columbia University - B.A. political science majoring in international relations.
Harvard University - Juris Doctor (J.D.) (Attorney), (Magna Cum Laude), first African-American editor of the most prestigious law school publication, "Harvard Law Review."

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.) (Attorney)
U.S. Senate, first elected at age 29, continuous service since

VS.

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 out of 899 (meaning that, like George Bush, McCain was at the bottom of his class)

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism

Now, which team are you going to hire? THINK FUTURE!

As a side note, Matt Damon's opinion is pretty entertaining (short video).

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Monday, September 22, 2008

GOP got their wish -- Gov't drowned in a bathtub

Conservatives got their wish: over the years since the Reagan administration -- admittedly helped along by Clinton -- they managed to squeeze government down small enough to "drown in a bathtub," as conservative Grover Norquist put it. The financial regulatory function of the government has been moribund for some time now.

Well, staring us in the face is the awesome and terrible result.

And now we're supposed to take John McCain's word for it that, after 26 years of complete and utter allegiance to the philosophy of deregulation -- proudly proclaimed from his own lips many times -- he knows best how to create a just, sane, orderly, fair-to-the-taxpayer structure of regulation out of the pile of rubble and dust that he, his economic guru Phil "You Bunch of Whiners" Gramm, and his team of die-hard deregulation-loving lobbyists have left us? Uh-uh. I don't think so.

The whole conservative philosophy of "getting government out of the way, so that the private sector can do what it wants, because the market will correct and police itself," is today totally bankrupt. It was already proven to be a bankrupt philosophy back in 1929. Back then, it required Roosevelt's New Deal to repair the financial devastation left behind, and it will require an even Newer Deal now.

All along the way, we have seen examples showing us that lack of regulation is disastrous in a capitalist system, but we allowed these clowns to remain in control of the levers of power anyway. So, they continued to make it easy for greedy slimeballs to take advantage of the lack of oversight. And when their behavior caused a major problem? Government bailout to the rescue!

The same government they had been trying to drown in a bathtub the whole time. "Privatize the gains, but socialize the losses." That's their real, unspoken, philosophy. Meaning the government picks up the tab for their high-risk and unethical behavior.

But wait! Who is this benevolent parent that always has enough to save the day? Why it's us -- we're the government, remember -- and it's our pockets these greedy bastards are picking every time their get-rich-as-quick-as-possible schemes implode.

Sure, something has to be done. But does that mean we rush a bill through on the say so of the president, no matter what? (Isn't that the same thing Bush did with the war and then the Patriot Act?) Does it mean we give total control over to his administration to do what they will with obscene piles of cash that are supposed to materialize out of thin air, and without any oversight? That's what Treasury Secretary Paulson demands. Yes, he has the gall to actually DEMAND it!

If this whole scene weren't so outrageously obscene, it would be funny.

But think about it, this whole mess could be an opportunity. Just as the Chinese word weiji, translated as "crisis," is composed of the characters for "danger" and "opportunity," we could, if we were a people worth our salt, use this crisis as an opportunity to completely revamp the financial system. The time is ripe, and if ever the people were ready for effective change, it is now.

But fear and ignorance will likely prevail instead. Fear of change, and general civilian ignorance of the depth and breadth of the problem and its systemic nature. The entire banking system is corrupt to the core, because it is founded on the Federal Reserve system, which is actually unconstitutional, and antithetical to everything the founders stood for.

It is a private central bank, despite the word 'federal' so deviously included in its title, when it was drafted by a group of the world's most powerful bankers on an island of the coast of Georgia in 1913. Later passed when most lawmakers were out of town in the dead of night near the holidays that year, it obliterated Article I, section 8 of the constitution, which gives Congress the power "To coin money [and] regulate the value thereof." Instead, the Federal Reserve Act let the private bankers start printing the money and regulating its value.

That is an enormous power. It has made the banking families stinking rich, and has slowly put our nation into previously undreamt of amounts of debt.

That act needs to be repealed. Call me radical -- this crisis calls for a radical solution, or we become China's property, basically.

After we abolish the Fed, and the government (that's us) regains the power of the purse, we set up a sane financial regulatory system. Then we freeze the assets of those in the financial sector who made off like bandits, and sort out what is ill-gotten gains, and do our best to return that money to where it came from.

We immediately institute a tax on offshored businesses, and steadily increase the rate of that tax, to give a powerful incentive to keep our nation's business at home, and our own people employed.

Then, we forgive all debt. Wipe the slate clean. Everyone gets their houses back, and the economy is instantly back on an even footing. We can all flourish once again.

Socialism? A dose, perhaps, temporarily. As are the bailouts these financial titans want -- only their brand of socialism -- corporate socialism -- is only for them, not the general population.

Insane? Could be. But I'd argue that a continuation of the present system is what's insane. After all, insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results.

Sure, some will get hurt worse than others in this scheme. But no one will be in too bad of shape, as they will not be in debt. Some financial "wizards" of the present system may have to find new jobs, but hey -- they didn't mind telling that to all the people put out of work in their globalization schemes.

With the so-called "pillars" of our economy falling like dominoes, what have we got to lose?

We have national pride, and a sane, prosperous society, to gain.

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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Notes from the Angry Left

George W Bush, the presidential no-show at his own party's convention, nevertheless launched a new Rovian "talking point" for his side when, during his televised speech at the convention he said, " "If the Hanoi Hilton could not break John McCain's resolve to do what is best for his country, you can be sure the angry Left never will."

The idea, I'm sure, in true Karl Rove fashion, was to try to nullify a major strength of the left at this point, which is indeed righteous anger. I suppose their hope is that by making fun of how pissed off we are, it will force us to try to play nice.

To hell with that.

I say, let's own our anger! We've got good reason to be more than indignant, we should be furious. Like the fictional TV news anchor in the movie Network, we should be shouting from the rooftops that we're "MAD AS HELL, and we're not going to take it any more!!!"

These idiots have tanked our economy, ruined our standing in the world, put unqualified cronies in positions of power that are destroying the environment while enriching their corporate "constituents," increased the threat of terrorist attacks against us by fomenting hatred against us (talk about angry) with this illegal and immoral war, continuously lied to Congress and the people, given no-bid contracts to their past employers (in Cheney's case), and ran campaigns with no substance but plenty of lies and innuendo against their opponents -- all with the help of a compliant press that 90% of the time refuses to do its job of investigative journalism and seeking out the truth.

And I've only scratched the surface here.

Angry? You bet. Incensed? You got it. Infuriated? Uh huh. Enraged? Oh yeah. Irate? Oh boy, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

You want to dodge the issues, while trying to distract the voters with your B.S. labels and full-of-it attempts at fear tactics, attempting to scare us into voting for four more years of unmitigated disaster? You want to play hardball, you slimy no-good traitorous rats? In the words of your lame duck White House resident, "Bring it on!"

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Close race might actually be good for Dems

Conventional wisdom says Obama will need a big lead come election time, because as was shown in the Democratic primary polling months ago, his actual vote tallies tended to be lower than the polls predicted. The reason given for this is that some people say they plan to vote for Obama, ashamed to admit their racial bias, but actually vote the other way. This is extrapolated to the presidential election by some folks, and there may be some truth to that, to be sure.

But on the other hand, I could see it working this way come election time: If Obama has a big lead in the polls, disgruntled Clinton backers may want to register their protest by voting for McCain, figuring the Dems will get the White House anyway. In this case, the polls could be off, and the protest votes could tip the election to McCain.

But if polls show a neck-and-neck race, those same people might be more motivated by the fear of the reality of a McCain presidency. They might still tell pollsters they won't vote for Obama, but when they get in that booth, visions of Roe v Wade overturned, far-right Supreme Court justices on the bench for a generation, extended war and more of the Bush years should be enough to bring them to their senses.

The same could be true for people who normally vote Republican. Many professed Republicans are angry with their party, and rightly see that traditional conservative values are not being well-represented by the GOP of late. Therefore, many have said they will vote for Obama. There may be many more that feel this way, but don't want to be seen as disloyal to their party, and are keeping mum about it. Come election time, if the polls are close, they might secretly vote for Obama, knowing the Dems will be better for working people like themselves. However, if polls show Obama with a comfortable lead, they might feel they should vote GOP out of loyalty.

I've got no hard data to back this theory up, but hey, this is blogger-land, where everyone can spout their little predictions and possible scenarios - we don't need no stinkin' data! But seriously, I could see this effect panning out. What do you think? Leave a comment!

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