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Mar 012015
 By , March 1, 2015
Democrats: Message, Message, Who's Got the Message?

It’s hard to beat: Democrats and their message Don’t look now, but the Democratic Party is undergoing an identity crisis of such monumental proportions, the Dissociative Identity Disorder people have called and are requesting artifacts for their Hall of Fame. Going to put Obama’s basketball [more…]

Feb 222015
 By , February 22, 2015
The Economy: Up Is Down

Everything you know about the economy is wrong, says Mitch McConnell. Best be advised to sit down, pour yourself a beer and take a deep breath. Because you’re about to hear something that will change your life. Forever. Are you relaxed? Good, because everything you [more…]

Feb 152015
 By , February 15, 2015
Gay Marriage and the New Tar Pits

Modern-day dinosaurs are still stuck on gay marriage Kind of sad being forced to watch the death struggle of these modern-day dinosaurs. Responsible parents should keep their kids from peering over the Plexiglas railing into the tar pits below to see the huge lumbering antediluvian [more…]

Feb 072015
 By , February 7, 2015
Brian Williams 'Misremembering'

At least Brian Williams got two out of three There’s a big bad brouhaha over at NBC with anchor Brian Williams misremembering being shot down in a helicopter on a trip to Iraq, when the facts seem to indicate that although he did fly in [more…]

Feb 022015
 By , February 2, 2015
America: Now Red Velvet Rope-a-Doped

They’ve strung out the red velvet rope: It’s the country clubbing of America. And now for a few choice words concerning my recent demotion to the status of second-class citizen. The amazing thing is how quickly my metamorphosis into Cockroachlandia occurred. One minute, I’m walking [more…]

Jan 262015
 By , January 26, 2015
The New Political Ice Age

Long term outlook: Expect increasing rhetoric with gusts of empty blather to result in virtual legislative permafrost, and a new political ice age. “And that’s it for sports.” “Thank you Robert for the fascinating premier of your exclusive in-depth Channel 7, twelve-part series on under-inflated [more…]

Jan 192015
 By , January 19, 2015
Je Suis Hebdo
Je Suis Hebdo

US citizens were confused by the Charlie Hebdo attack. France has satirical magazines. America has Spongebob. Decades after being dismissed by George S. Kaufman as a genre that “closes on Saturday night,” satire, like the measles and mumps, is making a comeback. And in many [more…]

Jan 132015
 By , January 13, 2015
Resolutions I'm Looking Forward To In 2015

2015 Resolutions: This year will be different. You watch. Usually over the period of 12 months, you get an equal balance of good days and bad. On the playground of the cosmos, the scales tend to balance out. But holey moley catfish, seems like last [more…]

Jan 012015
 By , January 1, 2015
The Gifts They Should've Gotten

Will Dur$t’$ Belated 2014 Xma$ Gift Wi$h Li$t Hey guys. Did this whole crazy holy daze madcap bedlam thing sneak up on you this year, making the world speed up like a maglev Bullet Train going downhill lit by a strobe, like it did us? [more…]

Dec 212014
 By , December 21, 2014
Bushes: 3, U.S.: 0

Our little Jeb Bush caterpillar is now one step closer to being a big, bad, beautiful butterfly. Still recovering from the sonic bombshell dropped by Jeb Bush, announcing he was officially upgrading his prospective candidate status from “considering the formation of an exploratory committee to [more…]