Black Cat Turned Life Coach Says You Make Your Own Bad Luck

Black Cat addresses lazy, superstitious humans

Hello humans! Black Cat, Bad Luck

Black Cat here and I’ve got some choice words for all those who have maligned me over the years. As you may know, I have recently started my own company called MyDay the 13th. Our goal is to help humans reach their full potential. I know it’s a risk, but I’m excited that I, your infamous Black Cat, am now a life coach.

People say, “How can someone who causes so much misfortune ever find fortune himself?” Or, “It’s funny that your business is thriving even though I lost my business the very same day I passed you on the way into the grocery store.” I don’t think that man meant “funny” in a nice way.

Unsurprisingly, he’s not the only one who’s stated such an opinion. Well to all those negative individuals I have one thing to say: I forgive you. It’s not your fault that your own external access of control requires that you seek something outside of yourself to blame for your failures.

Let me tell you about Charlotte, a nice girl who claimed with certainty that it was an encounter with a black cat (no relation to me) that caused her to break her foot.

I gave her some hard truths. “Really, Charlotte? A cat separated your bones simply by existing? You’re sure it wasn’t your determination to put your beginner-butt in an advance Zumba class?”

Eventually, she came around and now she is creating the life she’s always wanted.

I can sense that some of you still doubt my expertise. Well, I’ve dealt with denial. My ex-client, Larry, went on and on about how much his life sucked and why it was never HIS fault.

Finally I snapped and told him, “I’m very sorry that smashing a mirror four years ago scarred you. However, it would be irresponsible if I didn’t suggest that maybe the mirror isn’t the reason you’ve had so much financial setbacks. Could it be your peculation for gambling? I’m actually very sorry you don’t have a mirror anymore, Larry, because you need take a long, hard look at yourself.”

My fur might be black, but my heart isn’t. I extend a paw and await an apology from you superstitious folk.

Sincerely,
Black Cat

The following two tabs change content below.
Samuel Dunsiger

Samuel Dunsiger

Samuel Dunsiger is a Toronto-based writer, marketer and improviser. He eats breakfast, drinks coffee and loves cats.
Humor Times: 'World's Funniest News Source'