The Washington Football Club fumbled an opportunity to redeem itself by renaming the
team the Commanders, as if the quarterback decided to light up a cigarette on board an
aircraft carrier while the military-industrial complex called the signals from the sidelines.
A far better name, one that honors tradition while being in touch with today’s NY Times,
would be the Washington Emoluments, although Washington Insurrectionists might be
a fan favorite, as well. Other possibilities include Foggy Bottoms, Capitol Gainers, and
Post Patterns, in honor of the local paper. While the old name was both embarrassing
and racially offensive, the term Rednecks would certainly reflect both the atmosphere
in America and current membership in Congress, not to mention, the Supreme Court.
While it might cost the club a few bucks to come up with a better name than the one
they chose, or even a first-round draft pick in the 2024 primaries, it would surely be
worth it. Indeed, as bipartisan emoluments go, it’s a mere quid for all-pro. Neither
AC nor DC, but a TD, plus one two-power point conversion, from inside the Beltway.
Besides, as history proves, there’s already been far too many Commanders in Chief,
and not enough pigskins on the pork barrel to feed the hungry and clothe the poor.

John Thomas
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