Letters to the Editor

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Kansas City, lose the racist team name already. Just like your vaunted offense lost its ability to score points during Super Bowl LV, losing to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in an embarrassing blowout.

Tom Brady is now officially the greatest football player of all time, thanks to you, K.C. – good going! And the “Chiefs” moniker is last century stuff, not to mention bigoted.

As for K.C.’s home field Arrowhead Stadium – please! Chucklehead Stadium would be a much more appropriate name, considering their largely low-IQ fan base whose racist outbursts during games are a continuing disgrace to the National Football League.

Here’s ten new team name options for the NFL’s most blatantly racist fan base in K.C.:

* Kansas City Cheeks
* Kansas City Cheaps
* Kansas City Jeeps
* Kansas City Kanyes
* Kansas City Kardashians
* Kansas City Cthulhus
* Kansas City Chumbawambas
* Kansas City Chipotles
* Kansas City Coup d’etats
* Kansas City Cancun Cruzes

Signed: Jake Pickering

Today’s News, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow . . .

You’ve gotten your second COVID-19 vaccination. When will your life get back to normal?
That was the headline in the Chicago Tribune (Feb. 25, 2021). Having gotten my second
vaccine just a few days ago, I thought that as a public service, I should take a shot at the
500,000 lives lost Quiz, just to see if I could win the grand no-consolation prize. Here is
my contest entry. Just to make sure I covered all the bases, I gave them three answers:

A.  Never         B.  The day I die.         C.  What does ‘normal’ mean anymore?

        Unfortunately, the correct answer turned out to be:

D.  When the media stop asking that stupid question.

In my eagerness to win the race, I forgot to touch home plate. Serves me right
for being over-anxious. But I’m sure I’ll get another chance–when the Reaper
knocks on my doorbell, and says “hello, I’m from Publishers’ Charnel House.”
They’re in Washington, DC–where every House has a plague of some sort.
After all, misery loves company. And no one is immune to the BS Virus.

Signed: Dennis Rohatyn

Nearer My Beer To Thee

Mayor Lori Lightfoot signs ‘Welcoming City’ ordinance update, ending Chicago police cooperation with federal immigration agents (Chicago Tribune, Feb. 21, 2021)

“Mayor Lori Lightfoot signed an ordinance Tuesday closing loopholes in Chicago’s Welcoming City ordinance, prohibiting police from cooperating with federal immigration authorities to deport immigrants living in the country without legal permission who have criminal backgrounds.”

Bulletin sounds shocking to those who are unfamiliar with the Windy City, yet there’s no cause for alarm. This is simply an update of the existing statute, passed in 1925. The Sicilian Immigration Act (aka Capone Law) was intended to protect migrant beer distributors from being deported to Indiana and Wisconsin. After nearly a century, it was in danger of becoming obsolete, due to advances in technology (microbreweries) coupled with changing perceptions of Sicilians (Battle of Anzio, 1943).

Indeed, it was only in the last few years that Americans learned that Anzio is on the mainland of Italy, and that Al Capone was born in Brooklyn, NY, although his ancestors came from the province of Salerno, in Campania, not far from the ruins of Pompei. (By coincidence, Frank Nitti, who succeeded Capone as head of The Chicago Outfit, was born in the same village as were Capone’s parents; he came to America when he was a child. His family also settled in Brooklyn. Nitti’s mother was Capone’s first cousin, which is also a coincidence. Then again, maybe not).

In any case, now that Chicago lies in ruins, thanks to gentrification and the rule of the Top 1%, the city mothers, led by Mayor Lightfoot, have taken the old law out of the cement and brought it back to life. And it’s a good thing, too. After all, Chicago is a welcoming city. That’s why Donald Trump used it as a doormat for so many years, even as he defaced the magnificent Chicago skyline by erecting a hideous high-rise dungeon to tower over State Street. Indeed, he is not welcome there, under any circumstances. It may take awhile just to close that particular Loophole. But as Scarface explained, “that’s why I got good mouthpieces.” Now all Chicago needs is an expert on income tax evasion, and the local gentry will just have to go rule elsewhere, before they wear out their welcome.

Signed: Dennis Rohatyn

Animal Rites, Human Flights


A great many of our closest genetic relatives have perished in the tropical Biblical floods.
These captives down in Texas are among the victims of winter storm Uri.  Despite having dual citizenship, they were left unprotected or out in the cold, like millions of their fellow migrants along the border. However, the article fails to note that 97% of primates vocally supported theGreen New Deal, which gained them the enmity of former Gov. Perry, along with Gov. Greg Abbott, Rep. Jim Jordan, Rep. Louie Gohmert, plus Sens John Cornyn and Ted Cruz, even prior to the election, in which they voted en masse for the Green Party (Hawkins-Walker), with the exception of one Orang and a pair of baboons, who went bananas when they learned the results, and therefore had to be euthanized. Since Sen. Cruz left the country the day before the creatures died, he has an airlock alibi, and thus may escape federal persecution.  Dejected officials are hanging by their thumbs, hoping that voters won’t corral them, drag them by their tails to the Alamo and forget about it,
until animals have the same rights as people–or vice versa, depending on what side of disorder you’re on, and how many cages have been opened or unlocked since Jan. 20.

Signed: Dennis Rohatyn

News Trash

“Just days after voting to acquit Trump, Senator Lindsey Graham is publicly launching his effort to take revenge on Democrats – and he’s starting with Vice President Kamala Harris.

“During a recent Fox News interview, Graham predicted that if Republicans re-take the House of Representatives in 2022, they’ll move to impeach Vice President Harris.”
[DLCC, Feb. 19, 2021]

How can they impeach her? She hasn’t even stolen a peach yet. What are they trying to do, indict her on the first date? Now that’s what I call Harrisment! Granted, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has
already “launched” her effort to impeach Joe Biden, so maybe they didn’t want Ms. Harris to feel lonely, left out or unfairly neglected. But they could at least wait until the smoke cleared from the gun
she fired, before they start another “recoil” motion, like the one in California. How impatient can you get–unless you have COVID, and have learned how to be patient, until death do you convict.

Signed: Dennis Rohatyn

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