Experts: Nation’s Football Fans Still Not Game Ready

Experts: Nation’s Football Fans Still Not Game Ready

American football fans have started the new season totally out of shape, say experts. Despite being a couple weeks into the season, American football fans are still not in shape for viewing games all day, … Read moreExperts: Nation’s Football Fans Still Not Game Ready

Donald Trump Buys Greenland So That He Can Be King of Something

Donald Trump Buys Greenland So That He Can Be King of Something

Trump finally succeeded at buying Greenland, is having a golden throne/toilet built now. President Extraordinaire Donald Trump has bought the entire island of Greenland from the Danish government. At first the Danes were not happy … Read moreDonald Trump Buys Greenland So That He Can Be King of Something

Trump Secretly Makes Plans for Sainthood

Trump Secretly Makes Plans for Sainthood

Theologian blows whistle on Trump’s sainthood plans. A theologian who was secretly hired by Trump contacted this reporter regarding a bizarre plan President Trump has to assure that he is admired and praised long after … Read moreTrump Secretly Makes Plans for Sainthood

Exclusive: Original ‘Salute to America’ Speech Uncovered

Exclusive: Original ‘Salute to America’ Speech Uncovered

In this Humor Times exclusive, we present the initial draft of Trump’s “Salute to America” speech. In President Trump’s July 4th “Salute to America” speech, he said that the Continental army, which was created in … Read moreExclusive: Original ‘Salute to America’ Speech Uncovered

Trump Offers Own Take on American History in New Book

Trump Offers Own Take on American History in New Book

Promises new textbook on American history will be “Greatest Ever” This reporter has secured an outline of some of the points that President Trump is going to cover in the textbook of American history he … Read moreTrump Offers Own Take on American History in New Book

Trump Ends All Abortion Restrictions, Cites National Emergency

Trump Ends All Abortion Restrictions, Cites National Emergency

Trump tweets an immediate end to abortion restrictions, sparking a furious backlash from right-to-life groups. In a surprise tweet released at 4 am this morning, President Trump announced an immediate end to all abortion restrictions, … Read moreTrump Ends All Abortion Restrictions, Cites National Emergency

Trump’s Bone-Spurs ‘Miraculously Disappear’ After Faith Healer’s ‘Laying-on-of- Hands’ Exorcism

Trump’s Bone-Spurs ‘Miraculously Disappear’ After Faith Healer’s ‘Laying-on-of- Hands’ Exorcism

Stunned podiatrists declare president’s feet to be entirely bone-spur free after ‘Toe Jam’ religious invocation.  WASHINGTON DC – President’s Trump’s heels have been declared to be “entirely bone-spur free” by a panel of podiatrists, following … Read moreTrump’s Bone-Spurs ‘Miraculously Disappear’ After Faith Healer’s ‘Laying-on-of- Hands’ Exorcism

Hundreds of ICE Workers Desert Their Posts and Flee to Canada

Hundreds of ICE Workers Desert Their Posts and Flee to Canada

In response to job stress and poor working conditions, hundreds of ICE workers are streaming in caravans to Canada seeking asylum. In response to overwhelming job stress, social oppression and poor working conditions, hundreds of … Read moreHundreds of ICE Workers Desert Their Posts and Flee to Canada