Report: President Trump Offered to Buy Greenland for ‘One Million Dollars!’

Report: President Trump Offered to Buy Greenland for ‘One Million Dollars!’

White House insider says Trump got the idea to buy Greenland for ‘one million dollars’ after binge-watching Austin Powers trilogy on Netflix. A report released Friday by the Treasury Department sheds new light on that … Read more Report: President Trump Offered to Buy Greenland for ‘One Million Dollars!’

Donald Trump Found Playing with Toy Soldiers in the Situation Room

Donald Trump Found Playing with Toy Soldiers in the Situation Room

Toy soldiers were set up for the bored president, including one figurine with tears painted on its face to simulate al-Baghdadi. Rumors are floating around media circles that a staffer considered very close to the … Read more Donald Trump Found Playing with Toy Soldiers in the Situation Room

Tensions flare Between India and Pakistan as Millennials Embrace Pakistani Pale Ale

Tensions flare Between India and Pakistan as Millennials Embrace Pakistani Pale Ale

Sales of new beer skyrocket, and tensions flare even higher between traditional rivals. Amid an already fractured relationship in the midst of a nuclear standoff, tensions flare between Pakistan and India, reaching an all-time high. … Read more Tensions flare Between India and Pakistan as Millennials Embrace Pakistani Pale Ale

Probe Launched by Justice Department Careens Wildly Out of Control

Probe Launched by Justice Department Careens Wildly Out of Control

Houses were slammed into by a probe that veered wildly off course, say authorities. A probe launched by the Justice Department veered off course and slammed into houses in suburban Virginia, according to local authorities. … Read more Probe Launched by Justice Department Careens Wildly Out of Control

GOP Storms Deposition to Protest Non-Blowjob Impeachment

GOP Storms Deposition to Protest Non-Blowjob Impeachment

Impeachment should be reserved only for high crimes and “miss demeanors,” like Miss Lewinsky, say deposition invaders. Republican congressmen stormed a deposition related to the impeachment hearings today, objecting to the fact that Democrats are … Read more GOP Storms Deposition to Protest Non-Blowjob Impeachment

Trump: Photographic Evidence of ‘Hollywood Collusion’

Trump: Photographic Evidence of ‘Hollywood Collusion’

Trump claims he has photographic evidence of “Hollywood collusion,” proving the Mueller hearings were “fake news.” Donald Trump today doubled-down on his claim that the Mueller hearings were nothing more than “fake news,” producing actual … Read more Trump: Photographic Evidence of ‘Hollywood Collusion’

Aaron Rodgers’ Mustache Great for Lapping Up That Last Bit of Soup

Aaron Rodgers’ Mustache Great for Lapping Up That Last Bit of Soup

A study of Aaron Rodgers’ mustache has found it is the perfect substance for blotting up whatever’s at the bottom of your bowl. A Green Bay scientist has been experimenting for years on different ways … Read more Aaron Rodgers’ Mustache Great for Lapping Up That Last Bit of Soup

State Lottery Taps Opioid Maker to Develop Super-Addictive Lottery Ticket

State Lottery Taps Opioid Maker to Develop Super-Addictive Lottery Ticket

With latest move, State Lottery officials hope to completely wipe out ‘pesky’ lower class. CHICAGO — In an effort to rid the state of the proletariat and boost state revenue, the Illinois Lottery has hired … Read more State Lottery Taps Opioid Maker to Develop Super-Addictive Lottery Ticket

Seldom Reliable Sources Reveal Yet More of Trump’s Telephone Tag Game

Seldom Reliable Sources Reveal Yet More of Trump’s Telephone Tag Game

More phone calls by Trump you haven’t yet heard about reveal a Pandora’s Box of telephone tag conversations with foreign leaders. With the latest revelation of an inappropriate request by President Trump during a recent … Read more Seldom Reliable Sources Reveal Yet More of Trump’s Telephone Tag Game

Experts: Nation’s Football Fans Still Not Game Ready

Experts: Nation’s Football Fans Still Not Game Ready

American football fans have started the new season totally out of shape, say experts. Despite being a couple weeks into the season, American football fans are still not in shape for viewing games all day, … Read more Experts: Nation’s Football Fans Still Not Game Ready

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