The local media has been inexplicably incurious as to why no patriotic local law enforcement official stepped forward this year to challenge the incredibly incompetent, right-wing Republican Humboldt County Sheriff William Honsal, who is better known as Humboldt County’s most prominent national embarrassment (other than White SoHum drug dealers misappropriating Afro-Caribbean culture for the purposes of increasing sales).

Still, even as whiny, annoying and selfish as some traditionally overpaid and under-educated local dope growers and tax avoiders became in the years preceding and succeeding the long overdue legalization of cannabis in California (which many of us fought for our entire adult lives), these entitled, hippy dippy Deadhead caricatures and their fellow pot-growing, pot-bellied, low-IQ redneck conservative counterparts (like the drug-dealing, bear-spraying Bohn Klan of unconvicted kidnappers, for instance) are nowhere near as farcical as William Honsal.

Sure, far-right fascist Sinclair Broadcasting which owns most of the area’s local commercial network television stations and Limbaughless KKK Radio both revere their pro-racist, pro-vigilante, anti-antifa simpleton Sheriff William Honsal, Humboldt County’s very own version of Barney Fife. (The GOP QAnon cult protects its own.)

But to be fair to Don Knotts, his hilarious characterization of a rural, small-town cop on the Andy Griffith show had at least 50 IQ points on Sheriff Billy Bob Honsal who is actually more of a borderline moron mentally, like good ol’ Gomer Pyle. Perhaps some of Sheriff Honsal’s civic-minded underlings can convince Sheriff Billy Bob to go join the US Marine Corps just like Gomer Pyle did, so that we can get Honsal the human embarrassment to resign as county sheriff. Semper Fi, stupid!

You are of course no doubt already aware of how badly Sheriff Billy Bob Honsal embarrassed the residents of Humboldt County nationally with Honsal’s idiotic acceptance of numbskull neo-Nazi, White supremacist lies online as supposedly actionable intelligence that led to some insanely stupid command decisions on Honsal’s part, not to mention much lying to the press by Sheriff Honsal after he was exposed.

As far as my one vote goes for county sheriff this June 7th, I’ll be writing in Barney Fife’s name for Humboldt County Sheriff, since there is no other acceptable option on the ballot this year, which is truly a shame considering how many qualified, far less crazy law enforcement officials there are locally who could have challenged Sheriff Honsal. Yes, Don Knotts has been dead for awhile now (R.I.P., Mr. Furley), but even a zombie Barney Fife would do a better job than William Honsal.

And if Billy Bob Honsal’s fellow far-right Republican whack job John Ashcroft could be defeated in his reelection bid for the US Senate by a dead guy, you just never know what could happen. Say it now, and say it proud – your next Humboldt County Sheriff Barney Fife! (But expect it to be much more like that movie “Weekend at Bernie’s” than like “Three’s Company” or the “Andy Griffith Show”.)

Humboldt County isn’t Mayberry after all, no matter how desperately some extremely out-of-touch, past-their-political-expiration-date local conservative politicians wished they lived in racially segregated 1950s North Carolina. (Or would these Trumptarded twits prefer the antebellum 1850s instead, before imaginary antifa buses headed for Hooterville would have been a possibility to obsess over?). Yes, it is true, the pro-Putin GOP will soon be as dead as Don Knotts is. And I just can’t wait…

“Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last!” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (August 28, 1963)

Jake Pickering
Arcata, CA, USA

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