CAC banner ad
Humor Times subscribe

[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Yuppies Petition Biologists to Declare Their Kind a Separate Species

Dec 092013
 By , December 9, 2013

Demi-god yuppies demand proper status as refined creatures

Yuppies, those demi-gods who live amongst us mere mortals, have a hard go of it. They, by their very existence, are refined creatures, so much better than you or I, suckling the earth for our survival.

yuppiesWe, the minions who have to go out every day to earn our salt doing awful jobs to survive and to keep society going, are obviously not cut from the same cloth as these modern wonders of refinement, enriched mentalities and superior careers. They must put up with us lesserlings serving them in stores, pumping their gas for them, delivering their heating fuel, bringing their mail and doing their nails.

Now, tired of being considered normal humans, they have collectively petitioned the heads of Biology Departments at all the major Universities to have their kind declared a separate species of man. This, taking the department heads by surprise, created quite a stir within academic walls.

Quickly realizing that their finances depended largely upon the yuppie community who continually pack their brats off to their colleges to help guarantee that the snot nosed offspring they sired will remain in the upper income bracket, the professors swiftly convened and put forth a proposal to have them considered ‘a sub-species of man.’

The collective gasp let out by the entire yuppie community could be heard all the way to the slums of South Chicago. “No way! We will not be considered a ‘sub-species of anything!” they snittered in reaction. “If anything, mankind should be considered a sub-species of us! After all, we are obviously the next great step in evolution.”

The biology professors, imagining life without tenure, quickly rewrote their books to acquiesce the new lords of our modern society, giving them the title and heading ‘The Master Race’ with the rest of humanity making up a lower category now titled ‘the servant class (no capitals on that).’ And, just to make sure they weren’t cutting themselves short, the professors made a new, elevated bracket for themselves as well- ‘the Smart- Ass Class.’

NEWS UPDATE – The Biology Department has also decided to have politicians listed as a sub-sub-species of man going down to near levels of swine-hood, but the politicians have counter sued to have themselves classified as ‘Proper Overlords.’

The following two tabs change content below.
Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.

Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on Subscribe via email!