commemorative coins

[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

In Lieu of Coin Shortage, US Hurriedly Mints Special Commemorative Coins That Don’t Go Over So Well

New commemorative coins not universally accepted.

In a special move to answer a crying need for coins needed due to a shortage, the US Mints have begun issuing a new batch of commemorative coins for each state. Unfortunately, to the embarrassment of oversight officials, a number of designs were created and not monitored for content before being sent out to banks. Governors of several states have sent in complaints about how their lands were depicted on the coins.

commemorative coinsColorado Governor Jared Polis was livid when he saw the Colorado commemorative quarter picturing his state as being a hotbed of cocaine use. “I find this highly offensive, even if it is true,” he stated in an interview in the Denver Post.

Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds did not take well to her state being seen as the boring center to an otherwise exciting country. “We can’t help it if we were the last ones to get scenic vistas and energetic big cities. It looks like God was at the bottom of the mixing bowl when it came to us.”

California Governor Gavin Newsom breathed a sigh of relief that they changed his state’s coin from a very non-modest naked image of a porn star in a very compromising ‘position’ celebrating California’s reputation as the ‘Porn Capital of the U.S.’ to a more easy-to-digest slam on two of their more famous (and infamous) past Governors.

Mississippians were not at all happy that they were caricatured as being the intellectual, ethical and social dumping grounds of the country. “Ta show us as bein’ the trash of the cuntry is not a nice thing at all! Youse is lucky ma car is oughta gas otherwise I’ come out there and lynch yur hides!” commented a Mississippian interviewed by phone for this story.

A great cry has gone out from states insulted by the quarters to recall them. Unfortunately most of them are already lodged in laundromat machines, soda dispensers and automatic car wash facilities throughout the country. Also, the second wave of coins has already been put into circulation which is going to infuriate the citizens of Oregon, Maine and Alaska to the point of anarchy.

On the other hand, coin collectors all around the world are having a hoot with them.


Note from the author: On a more serious note, please write your congress people that all coins smaller than a quarter should be phased out of existence. Dimes, nickels and pennies are worthless, a waste of time for cashiers, banks and the public alike, and have no real value in our modern world. Nickels and pennies cost more to make than their actual worth and make yet another burden on we overwhelmed taxpayers to produce. The only ones who come out ahead on this are the nickel and copper producers who surely lobby Congress to keep making them at our expense.

Canada has already gotten smart over this and stopped making pennies long ago. Shouldn’t we do the same?

 

Roger Freed
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