Quiz: Who do these quotes belong to, Trump or Hemingway? (Answers below.)
1. I DON’T do it for the money. I’ve got enough, much more than I’ll ever need. I do it to do it.
2. Never pump yourself dry. Leave a little for the next day. The main thing is to know when to stop.
3. To be a successful father… there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.
4. The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear or it may be the wreck of his whole damn life and one is as good as the other. This is especially true for my book Art of the Deal.
5. I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy. Covfefe.
6. There was no collusion. Everybody knows there was no collusion. Having said that, and having no facility for speech-making and no command of oratory nor any domination of rhetoric, I wish to thank the administrators of the generosity of Alfred Nobel for this Prize.
7. Nobody has better respect for intelligence than Donald Trump. Even I, Ernest Hemingway, the author of For Whom The Bell Tolls, knows that.
8. God knows, people who are paid to have attitudes toward things, professional critics, make me sick; camp-following eunuchs of literature. They won’t even whore. They’re all virtuous and sterile. And how well-meaning and high minded. But they’re all camp-followers. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
9. Russia will have much greater respect for our country when I am leading it than when other people have led it. I just have to finish writing The Old Man and the Sea first, and then I can tackle becoming president of the United States.
10. Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. Organizations for writers palliate the writer’s loneliness but I doubt if they improve his writing. Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice.
11. It really doesn’t matter what they write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass. You’re not recording this are you? It would be a shame if it got back to my wife Martha Gellhorn.
12. Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. Did you know I have a gold toilet? How wild is that?
13. Oh, Jake,” Brett said, “we could have had such a damned good time together.”…“Yes,” I said. “Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me ‘old,’ when I would NEVER call him ‘short and fat?’ Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend — and maybe someday that will happen!”
14. Crooked Hillary Clinton is the worst (and biggest) loser of all time. It almost makes you want to put a W. & C. Scott & Son shotgun to your mouth and commit suicide in Ketchum, Idaho on July 2, 1961.
15. My name is Ernest Hemingway and I think Donald Trump is an asshole.
4 through 14: Honestly, does the world make enough sense to you that this answer key is, in any way, useful?
15: Hemingway, probably.