[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Bachmann: Americans Worried About Soviet Menace, Barbarians

Wide-ranging radio interview also covers dinosaur threat

In an interview on a right-wing Christian radio show on KGMS 940 Arizona today, Republican congresswoman and presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann revealed herself to be quite a world history buff.

Bachmann promises to stand up to dinosaur menace.

Besides pointing out the obvious Soviet menace, “What with that pesky Khrushchev always sending missiles to Cuba and all,” Ms Bachmann went on to reassure Americans they would be safe from other dangers to the homeland, including the barbarian hoards out of Europe and dinosaurs.

“Sure, God made dinosaurs go extinct when he told Noah to exclude them from his Ark — everyone knows that. But there are all kinds of plagues awaiting a godless people, should we not wake up and hear God’s message and elect an all-Republican congress and White House,” Backmann warned on the show. “Therefore, it’s obvious that dinosaurs could be at the top of that threat list.”

“We need a president who will stand up to these impending doom scenarios, and more!” she told host Jay Sekulow. “Obama won’t help. As far as I can tell, he’s not even aware of things like the Indian raids in the heartland — and why would he care? Those are Red states!”

Towards the end of the show, she lightened up a bit, saying she “would like to wish Elvis Presley a happy birthday,” although she said it on the day he died, and she congratulated Britney Spears and Jason Alexander on their marriage. “It’s sure to last forever, such a cute couple — they deserve all the happiness in the world!”

James Israel
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