Tucker Bounds Spins Obama Victory Into Positive for McCain Campaign

by Humor Times Senior Electoral Dysfunction Correspondent Jonathan Crockett

WASHINGTON — In an interview with CNN’s Campbell Brown today, McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds called John McCain’s defeat in Tuesday’s presidential election a “significant setback” to McCain’s bid for the presidency, but ultimately a motivational tool.

“John McCain’s recent loss in the presidential election has only served to increase his determination to fight on and win the candidacy for President of the United States,” said Bounds. “The senator is known throughout Washington and America as a maverick and he won’t let something as trivial as a decisive victory by his opponent and an overwhelming public moratorium against his political views and general ideology stand in his way.”

Unwilling to accept Bounds’ unapologetic attempt at political spin, Campbell Brown pointed out that Senator McCain failed by wide margins to win both the popular vote and the 270 points needed in the electoral college, thereby rendering his bid for the presidency hopelessly and irrevocably lost.

“We’ll leave the political math to the pundits, Campbell,” retorted Bounds. “Our internal polling still looks strong and we think we’ve got a better than average shot at winning this thing. John McCain didn’t give up after repeated torture and interrogation during his captivity in Vietnam and he’s not about to give up in light of the media writing him off and pronouncing Barack Obama the next President of the United States.”

During 45 minutes of probing by Brown, Bounds’ increasingly evasive responses ranged from pretending not to hear the questions posed, to at one point answering in what was either Swahili or gibberish. The interview concluded with Campaign aides hurriedly carrying Bounds away after plumes of smoke started emanating from his ears and he began repeating “Does not compute. Syntax error,” in a robotic monotone.

James Israel
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