A dream about eating corn on the cob symbolizes a deep desire to floss.
Dreaming about a winged horse means you’re tired of your commute.
A dream about Elvis indicates that you’re old enough for an AARP membership.
A dream about George Clooney is so common as to be meaningless.
A dream about shrubbery symbolizes that your husband was a lot more fun to kiss before he grew that moustache.
A dream encounter with a kangaroo means it’s time to renew your zoo membership.
A dream about being asleep is redundant.
Dreaming about a librarian means that although you think you returned all your library books, one actually fell out of your tote bag and is still sitting in your trunk, accruing overdue fines.
A lightening strike in a dream is an indication that you’d like to kill your boss.
A dream in which an ant gets squashed means that your boss would like to kill you.
A dream about eyelashes means that you read too many fashion magazines.
A dream about Kardashians means that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
A dream about entrails means that you’d better not forget your mother-in-law’s upcoming birthday.
A dream about a thunderstorm means that your husband is snoring again.
A knife may appear in your dream to indicate that when you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way.
A dream containing a scale indicates that you need to stop gobbling chocolate chip cookies before bedtime.
Dreaming of an elephant means your husband needs to stop gobbling chocolate chip cookies before bedtime.
Dreaming of a raging fire means you forgot to turn down the thermostat before you went to bed. (Or else it’s just another hot flash.)
Dreaming of a waterfall means you left the water running.
To see muscles in your dream suggests that you have some unresolved Schwarzneggerian issues.
A dream about a train wreck means that you’d better stop voting Republican.
Dreaming of riding in a taxi indicates that when you wake up extra early tomorrow morning and rush out the door to make sure you get to that important meeting on time, your car isn’t going to start.
A Pig Being Cleaned
Dreaming of a pig being cleaned means you think dream interpretation is a bunch of hogwash.