Jerking the Chain, Chaining the Jerk

“White House Toilet Deposed by January 6 Committee” (Ted Holland, Feb. 18, 2022)

I commend you for opening so many drawers while engaging us in ethic cleansing.
Unfortunately, the Whitewash House has already been scrubbed, since the Trump
Organization became so insolvent that their dirty laundry was exported to China.
However, what goes around comes around, just as it did on 9/11, or at Chernobyl.
Rumor has it that three more toilets formerly located in the Oval Orifice have been
subpenised to testify in Congress. Sluices close to one of the fixtures, code-named
Windbreaker, say that they have security leaks in their pipelines that will “blow the
lid” off our nation’s crapitol. A gag order has been placed on all three commodes,
primarily to comply with EPA regulations, although unreliable sources claim that it
is impossible to eliminate the lingering odor of Sean Hannity, even from the urinal
in the Lincoln bedroom. Meanwhile, a Top Secret Service agent has sworn under
his foul breath that “Four-Flusher” was the code name for Vladimir Putin when he
met with Resident Trump in Florida, which may explain why No. 45 tried to get rid
of any traces of No. 1 and No. 2, lest the Russian leader take matters into his own
hands, so to speak. Still hoping to emerge from the slime, former Vice-Manager
Mike Pence has become increasingly sedimental, yet he conceded that “I’d rather
be clenched than lynched.” In the end, the game of old thrones depends on the
willingness of the unholy trio to do more than cause a flap, when and if they each
decide to shed their Plumbers’ tools and take the standing stream of paper trails
left dangling by Watergate. As Windbreaker allergenically told the Supreme Court
enduring closeted session, “if you won’t uphold Roe v. Wade, the least you can do
is to untie our TV tubes, or you’ll be responsible for a gross miscarrion of judges.”

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Signed: Dennis Rohatyn