Countdown to Kickoff

Now that Tom Brady has come out of retirement,
Joe Namath will follow suit-up. Commissioner
Ford Bronco has just announced that “Broadway
Joe” will lead the cinderella-dwelling Ukrainian
Underdogs against the Russian Oligarchs in the
Smirnoff Bowl, hosted by the recently reformed
NBL (NATO Brinksmanship League). The winners
will receive 500,00 cases of ammunition, plus the
coveted Allan Dulles trophy. The losers will drink
Molotov cocktails under the grandstand, before as
well as after the game. Asked whether he could
defy all the odds-makers again, as he did in 1969,
Namath said “they have the horses, but we have
the jets,” hinting that the Underdogs will rely on
their aerial attack to offset the Oligarchs’ ground
game. Although he refused to guarantee victory,
Namath did sanction throwing the bomb, “unless
they use it first.” Former running back Fiona Hill,
who was penalized for interfering with No. 45 in
the 2019 Impeachment Bowl, contends that such
an event is unlikely, unless the Oligarchs resort to
a “Hail Marxist” pass as the nuclear clock expires.
In case of “sudden death” overtime, Ukraine will
play against Poland for loaves and fishes on Good
Friday, followed by the Easter Parade in Red Square,
to be arrested over every station of the double cross.

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Signed: Dennis Rohatyn