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Oscorations 2013: Oscars Awarded for Oscar Show Performances

Feb 262013
 By , February 26, 2013

The best and worst of the Oscars TV event

And … the winners ARE:

Seth MacFarlane oscars

Seth MacFarlane: “Whoa, did I just say that?!”

  • Jennifer Lawrence for moving up to the stage with such grace – ultimately.
  • Seth MacFarlane for telling his “joke” about President Lincoln being shot in the head reminding me of a jerk record salesman who told me, one day in my office not long after the presidential assassination in Dallas, “That JFK got it through his head that he wasn’t welcome in Dallas.” (Presidential assassinations aren’t funny, from any century, Seth.)
  • Chris Terrio for getting through (sort of) an Oscars acceptance speech for a best writing award (“Argo”) while being drunker than anyone ever in Hollywood. Chris’ performance would’ve made Norman Mailer jealous.
  • Meryl Streep for really cool “dress-walking” which didn’t seem to be related to a flaw in the frock’s design or any beverage the great Streep might have imbibed at a pre-party.
  • Kristin Stewart for being able to give more people, at one time, the “eff you” stink eye from a Hollywood stage than any performer in history.
  • Dustin Hoffman for being the only short, famous movie guy who can walk on stage with Charlize Theron and still look cool, despite the fact she can whip his ass. Mickey Rooney probably felt an urge to eat his heart out seeing Dustin in tow with the towering and lovely Charlize.
  • Barbra Streisand for making a dude almost three-quarters of a century old, tear-up as she sings a wonderful song from a film about lovers: one a left wing radical, the other a frat boy prig who, in real life, is pretty much of a lefty like Babs.
  • Christoph Waltz for being the only person (or category) in “Django Unchained” worthy of an Oscar like the statue he won Sunday evening for Best Supporting Actor. The dude can even act in three-quarter time.
  • Quentin Tarantino for showing grandiose paucity of humility of any so-called visionary film director at an Oscars Awards show. I’m still waiting for Quinny to do something better than “Pulp Fiction.” He made himself a tough act to follow on his first try.
  • Adele and “Skyfall” making me remember how great all those early Bond scores by John Barry really were. The song “Skyfall” has done it again. Not to mention the use of Barry’s “Out of Africa” theme used for the “In Memorium” segment of the Oscars program.
  • Ben Affleck for covering well his obvious wrath for not being nominated in the Best Director category. Att’a boy Ben. You have a wonderful film (you directed) to talk about that came out in 2012. Tell ’em, “Ar’go jam yourselves,” Benjamin.
  • Joaquin Phoenix for expressing the negative outcome of his taking the Best Actor Oscar home instead of Daniel Day-Lewis only seconds before the award is announced. (Body language, people.) I don’t think Mr. Phoenix has precognition, but he sure did do a great job playing his role in “The Master,” whether anybody else thought he did … or not.
  • Daniel Day-Lewis, who gets TWO after-party Oscars beside the one he nabbed for “Lincoln”; those being for saying the most genteel and classy things…and for having the most beautiful woman in the room on his arm. Wow. Mr. Lewis — truly a pro of the highest order. Counting the real one he won Sunday night and his earlier pair also for Best Actor, plus the two I’ve “bestowed” on him just now, push his count to “five.”
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Gary Chew was a classical music host, programmer and producer on Capital Public Radio’s KXPR 88.9FM, Sacramento for 18 years. He retired in January 2007. Read more about Gary's long and storied career here.

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