[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Many NRA supporters are literally up in arms
Satire websites have been publishing a very popular conspiracy article concerning the NRA being behind the Boston Marathon bombing as a way to detour attention away from the gun limitation bills that had been going through Congress at the same time. As is usually the case with such stories, many people tuning into the site take the article seriously and start believing that there really is something going on.
Strangely enough, it is the promoters of the conspiracy theory that the Newtown elementary school shootings were a plot by the government to get guns banned that take the NRA Boston Marathon bombing story to be a tale manufactured to hurt the NRA’s reputation. Many are literally up in arms at what they see as an accusation against the NRA.
“You know this is a damn liberal plot to get the guns out of our cold dead hands!” stated Minnimal Headroom, owner of Guns and Moses, a combination gun shop and Christian bookstore. “They make up this story about NRA kids bein’ set up to look like Muslim kids and planting those Boston Marathon bombs, but the truth is it wuz a plot from the very depths of Al Queda to crush the American spirit. Fortunately they chose to bomb the Boston Marathon which is mostly a bunch of yuppie liberals and Jewish activists running around half nekkid anyway and not to bomb something really important like the Ted Nugent All American Guns, Ammo and Rock and Roll Festival.”
“I know them commie so-called ‘humor’ websites are nothing but pure bunk.” said Johannes T. Partie. “They like nothing better than to make up crap on the NRA to agitate people into getting the government to take away our guns. They should all be put under house lock down like they do in China with only a one inch electrical cord to use for their computers. The Chinese got that one right. Not saying of course that they are right on anything else because they are Communists after all,” he quickly added.
Many gun enthusiasts are demanding that the websites take down the accusing Boston Marathon article, even to the point of violence. Armed (would they be any other way?) groups of violent, alleged ‘true Americans’ have been combing neighborhoods trying to locate the websites home base, only to be frustrated to find that they are highly mobile, fly by night enterprises that only need a laptop to operate.
Several apartments have been torched but are then found to be inhabited by loyal, flag waving patriots who themselves have guns and were a little miffed at having their place burned down. This led to numerous gun battles and even a few homemade bombs thrown about which in turn led to the start of a whole new set of conspiracy theories.
These incidents have also had an unfortunate effect of reducing the number of NRA members due to casualties which is working against the groups goal of forcing every American to join them.
Interestingly, a second conspiracy theory has developed out of the Boston bombings as well. It is the belief that the Boston bombing was a white supremacist attack to offset the present Congressional voting on immigration reform. Some say that the two Chechen brothers were set up to plant the bombs and to purposely get caught to raise American indignation at foreigners. Interestingly, most supremacists are also staunch NRA supporters. Hmmm…wait a minute…
When asked what they thought of the whole conspiracy theory schmiel, comedy website managers just snickered into their hands until they started to laugh so hard that their butts fell off.
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