[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]
Clam bakes no fun either, says mollusk
A small team of researchers exploring and monitoring sea life along the eastern seaboard stumbled upon the rarest of finds last week: one teed off mollusk.
According to the team leader, Dai Ver, the clam caught their attention because he was perched alone on the top of a large boulder.
“We were pretty shocked when we found him,” recalled Dai. “As far as we know, he’s the only one of his kind.”
Our news team had a chance to sit down and talk with Jerry the Clam and ask him why he was so perturbed.
“Not everybody fits into your neat little stereotypes, you know,” Jerry answered.
“This is partly why I’m so upset–don’t just assume that I’m going to be happy because I’m a clam. I’m stuck here on this rock, it smells like seaweed, and I constantly have sand in my mouth. What’s there to be happy about?!”
“Other clams are always coming up to me saying, ‘Hey Jerry! Turn that frown upside down!’ and ‘Make your Monday a Funday, Jerry.’ I tell you what, if I have to hear one more mollusk tell me to turn all my ‘sand’ into ‘pearls’, I’m gonna punch them in the face,” he added.
As the golden sun sank over the horizon in the distance, you could hear the seagulls calling out to each other, waves crashing on the nearby shore, and a tiny clam cursing like a sailor in the wind.
Latest posts by Jeff Boldt (see all)
- Doctors Recommend 3 Selfies a Day to Combat ‘Failed Existence Syndrome’ - January 21, 2015
- Bush Authorizes Renewed Air Strikes in Iraq - August 9, 2014
- 10 Step Guide: How to Win Facebook Friends and Influence Virtual People - July 18, 2014
Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!