[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Residents of the Arctic town of Sealgut Alaska have resorted to extreme means to get their heating fuel supplies for this winter.
Faced by two months of near total darkness and bone-chilling cold with little economic resources to carry them through, the villagers have resorted to “being bad” in the hopes that Santa will give them coal in their stockings this winter that they can use for fuel.
Much to the local State Troopers chagrin, they have engaged in such “bad”-inspired acts as streaking naked through the town (although it did not last for long because of cases of 2nd degree frostbite to very sensitive appendages of the body), tipping over outhouses with/without an occupant being present, throwing water on sled dogs’ behinds so that their sphincters freeze and they eventually explode, and getting little kids to stick their tongues on metal poles after which it takes the entire fire department and the jaws of life to free them.
The State is watching the situation carefully and should Santa not bail out the residents the State Troopers will provide free, warm housing in the local jail.
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