[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Famous Surgeon Now Offering ‘EZ At Home Surgery Kits’

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

World-famous surgeon says patients can save thousands in health costs using his new “EZ At Home Surgery Kits.”

SNN surgery correspondent Ambue Bagge reports that world famous surgeon to the stars, Dr. Petechial
Hemorrhage, has unveiled a collection of do-it-yourself surgery kits that will save ailing people hundreds of thousands in healthcare costs.

surgeon. 1753
Now you can perform surgery just like in the old days! 1753 Painting by Gaspare Traversi, Public Domain.

Dr. Hemorrhage stated that a simple Angioplasty procedure at a hospital would cost you 20 thousand dollars, but with his “EZ At Home Surgery Kit,” it’s only three easy payments of $39.99.

He states that his EZ At Home Surgery Kits include the following simple procedures:

Gall Bladder Removal
Hernia Repair
Back Surgery
Hip Replacement
Knee Replacement

All of these for three easy payments of $39.99.

Dr. Hemorrhage says that he also has kits for more serious procedures like Face Lift, Triple Heart Bypass and Lobotomy. For those, prospective surgeon/patients must contact him for pricing.

Dr. Hemorrhage is the personal physician to such well-known movie stars as Daffy Duck, King Kong, Alvin and The Chipmunks, and GI Joe.

Super Breaking News

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Breaking News

Fulton County DA Fani Willis Unveils New “Odor of Mendacity” Line of Hair and Skin Products for Men

SNN Words to Live By

“Love is a difficult thing to handle.” — Flint McCullough (Robert Horton), Wagon Train, 1950’s TV series.

“Life’s a trip… make the most of it.” — Best Western TV ad.

“Any man who does not want money is a dangerous man.” — Mr. Ballentine (Malachi Throne), Kojak, 1970’s TV series.

The Question of the Week

What does the odor of mendacity smell like? (Give your answer in the Comments section below!)

Author’s pick: chitlins and persimmons.

Ted Holland