Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
I hear it’s called “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Then Hocked It To Pay For His Drug Habit.”
TV Ratings: ‘Duck Dynasty’ drops to 16-Month low ahead of finale
In other words, looks like viewers are flipping the Duck gang the bird.
Stunning photos show the ancient tradition of honey hunting in Nepal
Nowadays, most Nepalis use EHarmony to find a honey.
Starbucks is introducing a new brand of Oprah Chai Tea
And you get a Grande! And you get a Grande! And you get a Grande!
Strip club manager elected onto a neighborhood council
Talk about relying on the poles.
Big boobs are not always a good thing
True. Too often they get elected to Congress.
Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Sr. passed away
In some places, flags will be flying at twice their usual height.
Turkey shuts down Twitter
I guess that means people won’t be able to ‘talk Turkey.’
Mitt Romney expressed concern about the President’s foreign policy
Apparently, he has money hidden in lots of those countries.
McDonald’s has secret menu
Then why use that crappy one?
Former GOP Chair saves $1,000 a month with ObamaCare
No word if that’s same chair last seen being talked to by Clint Eastwood.
School bans 9-year-old boy’s My Little Pony backpack
Well, everyone knows My Little Pony is a gateway drug to shooting horse.