[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Mad McCain Denounces Angry Left

Head nearly explodes as he rants

WASHINGTON, DC – John McCain continued on the offensive today, deriding the “angry left” for being so darn disagreeable. “Those freakin’ crybabies, always complaining, foreclosure this or bank failure that – I don’t really know what they’re talking about, that’s not my area of expertise – but the point is, they’re always so goddam pissed off!” he yelled, face turning red. “I mean, give me a break, let’s talk about what matters – how irate they are!”

Red state voters seem to agree with this new talking point of the Republican ticket, emphasized since the GOP convention in Minneapolis. “Naturally, I’ll be voting for McCain,” said a visibly agitated Rob Kergan of Bloomington, Indiana, “because those Dems are so #%&$@ angry all the time!”

Known as “McNasty” in high school, McCain has “erupted in foul-languaged tirades at political foes and congressional colleagues more-or-less throughout his career, and his quickness to anger has been an issue on the presidential campaign trail as evidence of his fury has surfaced,” according to Nick Juliano in a review on RawStory.com of the book “The Real McCain” by Cliff Schecter, published in May of this year.

But McCain aide Charlie Black countered that, “unlike the angry left, John’s anger is righteous. After all, he has to deal with all these shitheads in Congress on a daily basis! I just wish we’d be attacked by terrorists again, that would make John a shoo-in.”

Joe McCain, the candidate’s brother, speaking at an event today, called Democratic-leaning areas of Northern Virginia “communist country,” according to a report in the Washington Post. “And talk about angry,” he reportedly added, “those commie pinko Virginians can’t say a goddam word without f#%$ing swearing!”

When confronted with his brother’s quote, John McCain said, “So what? There they go again, complaining – these elitist community organizers should really just chill out!” Then he boarded his private jet to fly to “one of my other houses, not sure which.”

James Israel
Social media