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Open Letter to Al Queda and its Branch Affiliates

Oct 092013
 
 By , October 9, 2013

Good day guys.

How is it going?

Blow up anything fun today?

Shoot your quota of infidels yet?

OK, sorry you’re having a bad day.

Just a few questions I wanted to ask you guys. (I am assuming you are all guys. I doubt you’ve opened a female branch.)

Alright, lets get started here. Now I know you claim to be a religious organization. The “Holy Men of Allah” or something like that.

But let me ask you this:

Aren’t you guys famous for stealing Toyota pickup trucks from normal citizens to use for spreading your word and your bombs? Isn’t that what is known in most of the world’s religious systems as ‘stealing’ which is a form of greed?

Recently it was reported that girls as young as 14 were ‘recruited’ to give ‘stress relief’ to the Jihadists fighting in Syria. Many of them came back pregnant. Isn’t this a form of prostitution which your group is radically against? Doesn’t that fall under the category of lust which is considered to be one of the most deadly sins?

Obviously you don’t have anything against killing which actually seems to be one of your main tactics in professing your faith to your god. If my memory serves me right that is also known as murder in most countries, an act that can be attributed to anger.

Vanity seems to have a hand in many of your actions too as it seems you are always more than willing to boast about how many people you kill in bombing attacks and on assassinations that you incur.

Add to these:
kidnapping
torture
extortion
repression
imprisonment
lying
and a host of others.

Is there not a single negative passion that you do not embrace in your holy crusade?

I guess my real question is this- what is there that is at all really ‘holy’ about your organization?
Are you really sure you got the right god that you are doing this for?

Could it be that Satan or some other demon snuck in there when you weren’t looking and put on a disguise to make you think he was the ‘Big Man In The Sky’ and convince you to do all these awful things?

I know you guys also accept the Bible as a holy book which contains the Ten Commandments which expressly speaks out against such things.

I could be wrong, it is just an inkling that I have, that you guys are not really about religiosity at all.

I just have this mite impression, just a smidgin, that you are really about having total fisted control over as many people as possible and that you get off on killing, maiming and repressing folks just because it gives you kicks.

But, like I said, that it just a hunch.

Actually, while I am here, let me just ask this question of the Christians- Do you believe that it is right to kill and maim enemies in the name of God?

That is what I was afraid of…

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from Lulu.com. A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.