Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Study: People hate happy couples on Facebook
Not as much as I hate them out in public.
Amy Adams gives up first class seat to U.S soldier
Lucky G.I, Adams certainly has a first class seat — and the rest of her is pretty hot, too.
Oklahoma residents seek answers on quakes
Or, as they actually put it, “What the frack is going on here?”
Brand new sleep-aid takes Walgreens by storm
Apparently, they’ve been showing soccer on the TV monitors.
Michigan man trying to raise money to have surgery on his 100-pound scrotum
Ok, that’s just nuts.
JLo’s Ex caught cheating on her with transvestites
Proving you can be both on the Jlo and the down low.
Woman crushed to death by clutter
Wow, some people are literally dying to get on the show ‘Hoarders.’
Whooping Cough reaches epidemic level in California
Yeah, and every one of them has sat behind me at the movies.
Republicans nominated their first transgender candidate
Not to be confused with Chris Christie their first 100% transfatty candidate.
Fired HGTV hosts: ‘Satan using his gay ‘demonic agenda’ to silence us’
And, sell tickets to Cher concerts.
Benghazi suspect says attacks were instigated by Anti-Islam Internet video
Imagine the damage if they’d seen ‘You Don’t Mess with the Zohan?’
Willie Nelson has important political message for stoners
Well, he did, and then he forgot what it was…