[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
NORMAN, OK – A perfect storm of a misread new law on the books, an already stressed-to-the-max police team, and a whole lot of miscommunication sent a Norman, Oklahoma housewife to jail this weekend on charges of cooking hash.
Glaycie Mae Herndon was booked into the Cleveland County Jail Friday night on suspicion of converting marijuana into hashish.
Cleveland County Jail spokesperson, Darcy Wilkins said that Mrs. Herndon was brought in after police responded to a neighbor’s call reporting someone cooking hash and “almost burning the neighborhood down.”
When police arrived, Glaycie Mae was in the kitchen trying to put a fire out on the stove.
“My hash. My turkey hash is a burnin,” cried Glaycie Mae as officers rushed to put out the fire.
“It smelt bad,” said Officer John Dingle, “real bad. So naturally, when we heard Turkish hash, we automatically arrested Miss Glaycie Mae and took her down to the jail.”
Just this past week, the Oklahoma Senate passed a bill that will send anyone to jail for life if found guilty of converting marijuana to hash. The city has been on high alert ever since, and the police officers involved say they were just doing their job.
“Little did we know Ms. Herdon, who incidentally was a little fried herself, was cooking turkey hash for her family when the whole skillet went up in flames,” said Dingle.
Upon her release from jail, Glaycie Mae was asked to give her side of the story. “I weren’t even using no pot,” she said. “I was using my old iron skillet like I always do.”
Turkeys were all over the news last week.
In a somewhat related news item, Ted Nugent has provided a statement to the press indicating how his meeting with the Secret Service on Thursday went.
Nugent had been accused of using some rather strong language against President Obama at last weekend’s annual NRA meeting in St. Louis, Missouri, and the Secret Service wanted a chance to ask him about his comments.
Upon leaving the meeting, Nugent had this to say: “It’s all cool–just a big old misunderstanding. When I told my fellow Republicans to ‘ride into that battlefield and chop their heads off’ in November, I was talking about a turkey shoot I was planning just before Thanksgiving,” said Nugent.
“It had nothing whatsoever to do with any violence directed toward our political enemies.”
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
- How the Trump Stole America: A Poem - December 29, 2016
Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!