Postmaster Interviewed on Talk Radio - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Slenderville, Minnesota postmaster Arvid Truxal.

ANNOUNCER

From beautiful downtown Slenderville, Minnesota, it’s the Minnesota Nice Radio Show. And here’s your host Tommy Ellis.

TOMMY ELLIS

Welcome to the show. Lots happenin’. The town is gettin’ ready to celebrate our 98th anniversary. The first pioneers came to Slenderville in 1925 from Chicago. Apparently, they snitched on the gangster Al Capone. Those folks was in big trouble, oh you betcha. Thank goodness the government put them in the Witless Protection Program. I was readin’ the other day that Capone had an IQ of 95. Prit near a genius by golly. Anyhoo, on with the show. My guest today is Slenderville postmaster Arvid Truxal.

postmaster — Photo: Randy von Liski, flickr.com, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

TOMMY

Mornin’ Arvid.

ARVID TRUXAL

Hello Tommy. By the way, I’m also a mail escort.

TOMMY

What a coincidence. When I was in high school, I asked my pa for an escort for my 18th birthday. So he bought me a Ford Escort. Not the brightest bulb.

ARVID

Well. They say the apple don’t fall too far from the tree.

TOMMY

Are ya insinuatin’ I’m like my pa?

ARVID

I plead the fifth. Wait…I mean I drank a fifth. Oh hell, just make it snappy.

TOMMY

What’s your hurry?

ARVID

The mail needs to get delivered.

TOMMY

Ya mean. Nobody can cover for ya?

ARVID

There’s only two of us. I run the office and my cousin Melanie delivers the mail. We have a sayin’ in our business. “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers form the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

TOMMY

Them are encouragin’ words, but I have a question.

ARVID

Shoot.

TOMMY

Why is the flag flyin’ half-mast at the Slenderville post office?

ARVID

Means were not hirin’.

TOMMY

Glad ya clarified. Tell me, what are your duties?

ARVID

I supervise Melanie. Manage budgets. Take care of customer complaints.

TOMMY

I have a big one. Been gettin’ old man Perkins mail lately. Yesterday, a package of Viagra got delivered by mistake. Embarrassin’ cuz it was layin’ outside my gate for everyone to see.

ARVID

Don’t worry, Tommy. Viagra ain’t for only old people. It’s popular among comedians.

TOMMY

You’re pullin’ my chain.

ARVID

I’m serious. It helps them to stand up. I always tell people not to mess with the postmaster. We can skip your house anytime we want.

TOMMY

Ya do anyway.

ARVID

That’s cuz I sort every letter by hand. No machines. I need that AI I’m hearin’ about.

TOMMY

Ya already have artificial intelligence. Just sayin’. Arvid Truxal. See ya tomorrow.

Minnesota Nice
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.