Infamously Inflammatory Film Footage Found of Frisky Iron Man ‘Fulfilling’ a Fabulous and Famous ‘Friend’

Iron Man and … who?

Ha! Ha!

I have it!

I have got the goods on that famous super hero Tony Stark, also known to the world as the crimson clad can of condensed carbon-steel contorted to his contours creating a cacophonous conjuring of conjunctures known as Iron Man.

Yes, I know he is known as that super capitalist capable of creating capable combat conglomerations with capabilities of carnage compiling that could catastrophically castrate a caustic foe. He is also a super handsome, super cool, super rich, super snide son of a bitch who has everything he wants. Everything that we don’t have.

Therefore we have the right to hate him.

But now I have the goods on him. I have this photo which will ruin forever his Playboy allure and wipe that snitching grin off his face. This will be his biggest outing since he told the world he was Iron Man.

HERE IT IS! Here is a picture I copped from Wonder Boys:

Here is the evidence of him sharing his bed with……oh my God…….no…it can’t be!

NOOOOOOOO! He is sleeping with SPIDERMAN!!!!!!

iron man, spider man, wonder boysIt is Peter Parker, Spiderman‘s alias!

Oh God! I could rip the eyes out of my sockets!

My childhood hero in bed with Iron Man!

Aaaarrrgh! The walls of my life are crashing down!

My idol, my god, my inspiration for living is sleeping with….sob….Iron Man!!

The superhero so cool he made cool obsolete!

The person I wanted to be when I grew up and still do!

Gaaaaahhh! How can I go on?

Excuse me, dear readers, while I unplug my computer and use to to beat my face in agony.