[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Palin Greets “New Year of Possibilities”

Alaska Governor looks ahead

After a breakout year that saw Alaska Governor Sarah Palin rise to star status in the Republican party, she is looking forward to a “new day for true believers in freedom across this great land of America.”

While many in Alaska just wish she’d come home and tend to her duties as governor, Palin continued to stoke national fame in what some believe is a bid for the Senate in 2010.

“That ol’ Senator Ted Stevens, bless his heart, he tried, but those dumb ol’ partisan politics, ya know, they just did him in,” she said at a New Year’s Eve celebration in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Asked why she didn’t go to a bigger city to celebrate, she explained she prefers “the heartland, part of the real America, that gets it, where they don’t go around palling with terrorists and things.”

“Some of those liberal pundits like to say I’m just out doin’ this kinda stuff like celebratin’ with down-home folks here in Tulsa ’cuz I love the national limelight,” Palin said, “but that’s just more liberalness. Would I like to win Stevens’ seat back for the GOP? You betcha! Will I run in 2010? If you believe that, all I gotta say, is I got a bridge to nowhere to sell ya!”

Asked if she may actually run for Senator in another state, like Oklahoma, for example, Palin responded, “Anyone who thinks I’m travelin’ around, meeting up with the good folks of this state, here in the heartland of America, for selfish reasons is sadly mistaken. It’s only those good ol’ altruistic feelings of mine, deep in my heart, full of love for America, and feelin’ feelings of lovingness for my Republican fans, bless their little hearts, and the need of all of us, and the economy bein’ in such sad shape and all, and with my expertise in the area of energy, what with all that stuff goin’ on around these issues, and so on, which is why I want to stand up for America.”

James Israel
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