[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Boy Scout Camps Training Tomorrow’s Loggers

Scout masters helping boys to ‘Be Prepared’ to become lumberjacks

A Humor Times special report

The Boy Scouts, long associated with their pledge to “treat the outdoors as a heritage” and to “be conservation minded,” are now being trained as loggers, according to the Boy Scouts of America national spokesman Deron Smith.

“In this economy, we’ve got to do all we can to prepare our boys to enter the job market,” said Smith. Despite a pledge recited by Boy Scouts saying “I agree to join with the Boy Scouts of America in protecting my country’s natural beauty and conserving her natural resources,” Smith insists the new direction does not contradict Scout values.

“Look, our councils across the country have authorized at least 60 clear-cutting operations and 35 salvage harvests, and we’re proud of our boys for the hard work they have put in in the forests,” Smith said.

“These logging practices harm the environment but maximize profits,” countered Ronald Howley, a forestry expert with the Sierra Club, “and the profits are all the organization is really concerned with.”

“That’s nonsense,” responded Smith, “this is responsible land management, one of our pillars of scouting for nearly 100 years. Besides, scouts must learn to set up camp in clearcuts as well as pristine environments. It’s good training to ‘be prepared’ in all situations.”

James Israel
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