[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Republicans Eschew ‘Country First’ Motto

New slogan ‘Failure IS An Option’ a better fit, they say
Boehner: "We will succeed at causing failure."

A Humor Times exclusive report

WASHINGTON, DC – The GOP was forced to retract its “Country First” motto today, first rolled out during Senator John McCain’s presidential campaign last year. Noting that it “contradicts” their current strategy, Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) said, “In our effort to come up with a unified plan going forward, we decided to replace the now-irrelevant motto with our new one, ‘Failure IS An Option.’”

“It’s a new day, and a new challenge for the party,” said Boehner, “and we must convey our message to the American people clearly. The new slogan says to America, ‘Yes, we can fail, and it’s ok.’”

The Republican congressman maintained that “failing is the best way to succeed” in this new political climate, insisting that “by failing now, the nation will see that Democrats suck, and that there is no choice but to return to Republican rule, no matter how distasteful it may seem.”

Although painful in the short term, a massive failure by the Obama administration would allow the GOP to “pick up the pieces,” said Rush Limbaugh, the current de facto leader of the party, on his daily radio show. Limbaugh told listeners that Republicans must return “this lost and confused nation” to a “fiscally sound strategy of tax cuts for the rich, and a real, kick-ass stimulus strategy, consisting of a continuous war footing and empire building to put people to work in real careers – not these namby-pamby, eco-terrorist, solar fantasy jobs.”

“It’s time the American people woke up from their unrealistic dreams of ‘hope’ and returned to reality here. Obama is evil, Republicans are good – it’s really that simple,” Limbaugh shouted, adding, “Enough of the charade! Bring it on. Bring on the new depression, that’ll wake these dreamers up!”

James Israel
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