The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Prince Charles of Wales

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews His Royal Highness Prince Charles of Wales.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning, listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll see. Today on the show my guest is His Royal Highness Prince Charles of Wales.

Prince Charles by Roberto Rizzato
Prince Charles caricature by Roberto Rizzato, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning, Your Rear Hind Endness.

PRINCE CHARLES

Just call me Charles.

JERRY

Okay. Got a question, Charlie. How come your mother dresses you in kilts like a five-year-old? Do you have a clue why it’s called a kilt?

CHARLES

No.

JERRY

Because that’s what a British mob did to the last guy wearing them.

CHARLES

Okay. I’m switching to Tommy Bahama shorts. I don’t care what my mum says. She’s not my boss.

JERRY

Of course, she is. Queen Elizabeth is leader of the Commonwealth. I know you’ve been waiting 62 years to be promoted from a prince.

CHARLES

Yeah. I hope my parents admit they’re too old to run the family business. Then I’ll be King!

JERRY

And Godzilla will be Queen.

CHARLES

You mean Camilla, the Duchess of Cornball. I mean Cornwall. Now you got me confused.

JERRY

No, Godzilla. The monster you cheated with when you were married to Princess Diana.

CHARLES

C’mon, Duncan. Her name is Camilla.

JERRY

And she is Cruella. The Queen had a bet with her staff that if you two had kids, they would be uglier than Regan in The Exorcist.

CHARLES

I’m shocked. When I tell Camilla, it will make her head spin.

JERRY

Here’s another tool I found in the toolbox. It is rumored you hired the professional farter Mr. Methane to entertain guests at the Buckingham Palace holiday party. He ripped one to the tune of God Save The Queen. And the Queen’s crown shattered.

CHARLES

I won’t confirm nor deny the story.

JERRY

I give Methane a pass. Nobody listens to me until I fart.

CHARLES

Can we talk about another subject?

JERRY

Absolutely. Meghan and Harry.

CHARLES

Do I know them?

JERRY

Your daughter-in-law and son.

CHARLES

Ah. That Meghan and Harry.

JERRY

Meghan confessed to Oprah Winfrey on national television that you refused to take Harry’s calls. And some royals in Buckingham Palace were concerned about the color of their baby’s skin before he was born.

CHARLES

Not true. I called Harry to give him the good news that we balanced the budget by $100 million after cutting him off financially. As far as Meghan’s remark about some royals being prejudice against people of color, I am not. In fact, I invited Black artists to sing for an audience with the Queen.

JERRY

Like who?

CHARLES

Michael Jackson. He was my favorite pop star. I can only summarize his tragic death by saying Michael was born a poor Black man and died a rich White woman.

JERRY

Deep. Real deep.

CHARLES

You really mean it?

JERRY

Of course not. You’re an idiot. What is your relationship like with son William?

CHARLES

He’s a good lad.

JERRY

Well, I dug up a poem William wrote about you when he was in high school. Would you like to hear it?

CHARLES

Absolutely. You jolly man.

JERRY

(reads) There once was a prince from Buckingham Palace,

Who left his wife for a woman in Dallas,

Said he with a grin as he stroked his long chin,

The press said I’m a bad parent and callous.

CHARLES

That’s what William wrote?

JERRY

Fooled you. I did! These are the lyrics for a new song by BTS. You stuffy clown.

CHARLES

You are rude and disrespectful, Duncan.

JERRY

Not really. Since the Oprah interview, even Cookie Monster deleted you as a Facebook friend. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner
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